Lynda's Coffee Hour

This is me

2012-01-04T14:34:00.001Z

I did something on Face book a couple of nights ago that i don't normally do!....upload photos, well not of me anyway, but i did. I let my detection go... found out... and now have to own up. I'm not doing this cos i want to, I'm doing this as Gillian Barry @springlamb pleaded with me to show my mug to the world....OMG! here go's i wont babble on so this is me...1,2,3,

Christmas 2011

2012-01-04T14:12:00.001Z

Can i just say, I hope you all had a wonderful new year and a great Christmas. I went home to my family after an absence of two years! well overdue and greatly welcomed. Mum looked well but i know she's still very poorly and can not walk walk far now, but that didn't stop us both hugging each other. Ted was just glad to see me home.

On Christmas day ceri (mums sister) called over to have Christmas dinner with us. She is also recovering from cancer. Her hair is growing back now and her nails are still distorted but they are not black any more after using a solution like cream to rub on. They both been there for each other when one of them became ill and still are. Their bond is very strong.
I wanted to take a photo of them together with pat (younger sister) no one would budge! but got this shot just as ceri was leaving.

Photo of mum and pat ( she has downs) opening presents after our dinner. Mum no longer can look after her and is living with carers in a house five miles away. Its a lovely house and so homely even i wanted to move in. By 4pm she was ready to go and mum and i took her home i guess now. Bless you pat...was put through the mill last year when there was lump found on her breast. Thankfully she has the all clear now.

Everyone loved there presents this year, me included and had a theme to them...the colour purple..lol. Purple hat and scarf, purple pjs, purple dressing gown and purple money. Purple is the new black this year.

Starlings on christmas evening

Call the fire brigade

2011-12-04T19:52:00.001Z

There's nothing better than a shower to start the day. Hair semi dried istarted to straiten it when i hear in the distance someone beating the door,thinking nothing of it i carry on what im doing. Then bang! Bang! On my neighbour’sdoor opposite then something about a fire, just as i look through the peep holein my door Bang! Bang! and shouts of fire and help!! Downing my tools i rushedto open my door and my neighbour doing the same. We both hesitated outside whenthe young lass ran back in her flat. (We both looked at each other her in herPJs and coat and me in my scruffs and hair sticking up all over the place)trying not to think what we must look like we went in and there was smokeeverywhere, it was so thick i couldn’t see. I quickly opened the window in thebedroom, then back to the living room where my neighbour opened the windowthere. The fire was in the kitchen on the draining board and i quickly turnedon the taps. Not knowing where the T towels were i just grabbed a bath towel off theradiator and soaked it under the tap to dowse the flames. The smoke was makingme cough and had to get out. I asked the young girl if she was ok, and asked ifshe forgot about the food in the oven. Sheepishly she did. Luckily it was onlya small fire and it was out in minutes, but she was very lucky it wasn’t anyworse. Id heard the young girl phoning the emergency service while i was tacklingthe small fire but it was out before they came. I went back inside my flatsmelling of smoke and hair all over the place and the door frame hanging off and my straitners on the carpet still on! I know why the door frame came off, id tried to open the door with the chain on and id just dropped my straitners.
Once id finished straitening myhair again i heard the sirens going passed...WTF the poor gal could be burningto death in there, then five minutes later i heard them coming back through thevillage and turning into the car park. So please check your smoke alarms this chrismas.

Its not the easiest of address to find. I once had an ambulance at my doorto take me to hospital and one ex bf went right through the village looking formy address. Id even had to cancel my take a way as the driver was going nuts.

On the busses

2011-11-26T14:32:00.001Z

Lets be honest, the bus is convenient..its there when its there and when your running for that bus it drives off and you wait for the next one to turn up. Now the bus stops in my village are few and far between. There's one in the village right outside to co op next one couple of yards from the first with one on opposite side of the road and the next one is five minutes going out the village and that's the one i head to as im going out the village. Now i could be standing there waiting and i would see one bus coming! and it would drive past and im thinking why didn't the twat stop! then another would come along and drive past...fucking twat!! after 4 buses i actually get on one and you have to give correct change witch is annoying. When i need to be somewhere i need to get off and wait for another so more money and sometimes have to give them more than the price of the ticket! so they're raking it in, and have to repeat that going back home. One week id spent over £13 that's more than a weeks petrol for me. Last week i was standing at my usual stop, got on the bus and the bus breaks down by the time he reaches the next stop! ( didn't i break down here before)... Like i said the bus is handy when you need them. You get on a bus some days and it takes off with so much acceleration im flying down the middle with such G force i miss my seat! not so funny when you have bags of shopping in each hand and land head first onto someones lap. I on the other hand dont like buses but least they there of which i wont be using very soon.

Tow the line

2011-11-26T11:30:00.001Z

I'll be glad to see the back of this month, so much has happened in a short space of time has been like a weight on my shoulders. (Im not even going to mention all the personal stuff as i dont have the time) But one thing i will share with you is... My car had been playing up with the lights on my dashboard flashing up and basically driving me mad, even after looking under the bonnet to see whats what! hell i dont know im a woman what do i know about engines apart from checking water/oil and the tyres. But i always take the risk and drive it anyway. The lights would go off some weeks then back on. But one morning i sort of knew i was going to have a bad day! i had to be somewhere in the morning and yes the lights came on and sort of spluttered. I kept telling myself its just cold and it'll warm up and everything would be fine. When i got back to my car an hour later i drove home, let the car cool down and i'll will investigate under the bonnet again!. I checked the water..ok checked the antifreeze...emty so fill it up, checked the oil Mmm, could do with a bit more... now the test drive, ok so far so drove into town then back again, just as i was driving back up the brow of the hill cough cough, smoke everywhere, broke down! pulled over to the other side of the road dead.
Phoned the garage no answer, phoned my friends husband, no answer, phoned garage again oh bugger what to do now! Waited a while panicking waited, waited and waited tried to start the car again and it was fine so drove off slowly but didnt get far, so hazard lights on wait then tried again...(while this was going on not one person stopped to see if i was ok.) I could see my flat so im not far to go so waited for the car to cool down then i would drive in second very slowly with hazard lights still on and chugg chugg...puff puff home. One motorist decided to drive next to me and take the piss then drive off another blue transit drove behind me as if to guide me but i was turning off into the car park at this time so he didnt bother. I parked up and thats where it stayed for 3 weeks.Id had enough to deal with personly i didnt need this on top. Catching busses were pain but i'll talk about that another time.

Image via Wikipedia

Now the fun bit....
Id actually had enough of busses and decided to phone the garage man to expain what had happened to my car on thursday morning. I told a little white lie that id broke down 2 days ago.
Right hen, what car do you have?
Vaxaull corsa...
you been here before havnt you?
yes im the welsh lady.
Aye i remember you! ok can you drive down to the garage?
Well it starts but weather it'll drive is another thing.
Ok you do that and if you dont make it in 20 minutes i'll come out to you.
We'd discussed what road i was going to take as the main road had road works and traffic was bedlam.
I was to take the back road that leads past the new college, round two major roundabouts eeek! and turn into the endustrail est....that was the plan.
Got into the car drove through the village got round one roundabout through the other side of the village then puff dead.
Anyway phoned the garage man. Hellooo welsh lady here, just to let you know i didnt make it. Ten minutes later he arrives, starts the car smoke every where.

you've put too much oil in thats why its breaking down...He askes if id been towed before, yes many moons ago... he gets out his tow rope..well half of rope and half of seatbelts, looks for my hook but dont have one! so finds something i dont know what and tells me to get in then gave me instructions on when he was going to brake. Shit im starting to hyperventilate when suddenly we're on the move. Im making noises now going oh' oh' oh' oh' then see the first roundabout aaaaah!!! next roundabout oooow! its harder to brake and ive got hardly any strearing...he brakes quickly to warn me, i hit the brake danm hard going oh' oh' oh'. We get the major roundabout that leads past the college but no we're going past road works! noooo! oh'oh'oh' shit im hoping the rope/seatbelts holds till we get to the garage. We turn off another back road and its up hill all the way and im repeating myself please hold please hold. I was glad we got to the garage in one peice. Legs shaking i get out and the garage man laughs and said that was a good tow well done. (yeah but you didnt hear the noises i was making ) I colect my car hours later and said my car is spick and span nothing wrong with it apart from too much oil and doesnt know why my lights kept flashing. If there's one thing ive learned on thursday is... Dont put too much oil in. D'oh

How embarrassing

2010-01-26T16:22:00.010Z

After yesterday i had to go and make a appointment at the Dr's i just couldnt stand the pain any longer and i wanted peace of mind as well.

Id only taken one sudafed in the morning because knowing my luck if id taken a couple of them i wouldn't have had any pain.

Wrapped up in my hat and scarf i set off to the Dr's there wasn't many people waiting before me and as im fairly new at the surgery id yet to meet Dr Tilley well not until today that is.
Sitting there thinking what i was going to say (does anyone else do that)? she calls me in and i tell her that ive had neuralgia that's caused me great pain, feeling a bit silly she wants to know more information so i tell her about my lack of coordination and nausea and the pain on my eyebrow and my burning face, oh and i had the flu two weeks ago.
Asking me to take my coat, hat and scarf off she checks my blood pressure and looks in my ears and asks if im eating normally? yes but when i do make food i cant taste it
then she asked me about Christmas!
so had to tell her the situation about mum being i'll and having to take care of her.

Her diagnosis was that i had a cluster headache (nicknamed as suicidal headache) due to stress and being run down and she wrote out a prescription for cocodamol and ibuprofen and told me to rest for a week.
Collecting my coat the dr told me to go and have blood taken down the corridor.
I feel so silly that the pain ive been having is actually a bloody headache, and going into the clinic to have my blood taken away one of the nurses pipped up and said you just got a headache then! poor you.... well you can imagine how im feeling now....i just want to get out of there.
But i know it was more than a headache and ive never experienced pain like it, but at least the cocodamol and ibuprofen is hitting spot where it hurts.
The dr did say to come back next week if ive still got the pain......i think not somehow.

Black Monday

2010-01-25T14:57:00.000Z

Some of you may have heard that i have been a little poorly the last week or so with neuralgia and all i was taking for it was sudafed, it eased the pain for a while but it was still there in the background but at least i didn't have that pounding thud over my left eye brow. I try not to rely on pills for this type of pain and when i think the pain is gone i ween myself off sudafed only for the pain to come back again.

When i woke up on Monday morning the pain was so intense i felt sick and disoriented with hot sweats thown in for good measure. I had to take my sudafed again and wait half an hour in total silence on the sofa and not move an inch.
I had an appointment with my jobs adviser at ingus at 2pm in Hamilton and i had to sign on in motherwell at 4pm so knew i was going to be out for most of the day so popped my sudafed in my bag just in case.

In the middle of my appointment with my adviser i could feel the pain coming back big time, my eyes felt like they were sinking deep inside my head and the pain had moved to my ears on what i can only describe is skewers being forced through one end and out the other, i just wanted to get out and scream. Once id left i got into my car and started rummaging through my bag for my sudafed only i couldn't find them couldn't feel them, so had to put up with the pain till i got to motherwell.
I was to early to sign on so i just sat in the car hoping the pain would disappear, looking again in my bag i just couldn't see the god damn sudafeds, i was feeling sick and dizzy now and all i wanted to do was
1 go to bed
2 bang my head on the steering wheel

not a good idea i know but that's what ive had to put up with the last week.
I couldn't wait any longer i had to go into the job centre early and hope i see someone quick so i could go home and bed and sure enough i was seen asap.
Driving home was a nightmare i couldn't concentrate and it was an effort to keep my foot on the pedal.
Dragging myself inside i looked in my bad again and found my sudafeds and went to lie down.

Getting it together...for 2010

2010-01-17T20:40:00.005Z

Well that's the 'plan' anyway...ive still got the lingering cough like symptoms from the flu i brought back with me, and after taking lemsips, cough sweets and olbas oil all week nothing seems to have worked. so last night i opened a bottle of baileys for a little tipple and i feel all clear again. Ive dyed my hair and re painted my nails after two months of neglect so not only do i look better, i feel good as well and ready for whatever life throws at me...within reason of course.

I applied for an ILS course in computing last week with my advisor at ingus (part of the works and pensions group) and Ive had it stamped by them and filled in ready to post tomorrow! that will take another 14 days before i can actually study at home, but I'm optimistic about doing something positive to get me back into work now as its been two years of rejection from companies saying thanks but no thanks! but im not the scrap heap yet! and i wont give up this fight easily. If i can stand up to health authorities on my mother's behalf then i can fight anything.

How much more is there!

2010-01-14T14:31:00.007Z

Ive been home nearly a week now! and just as the snow starts to melt more comes along. Is there no end to this? well at least im warm, and managed to catch up with blogging. Oh and happy new year to you.

Snowy Mountains

2010-01-09T12:18:00.003Z

I was packed and almost ready to head back to Scotland but mum had doubts and didn't want me to go with all this snow on the roads. Id been closely watching the weather forecast for the last two weeks and it seemed to be easing off with snow heading south. Even though it had melted in the town and surrounding areas the estethva mountains witch id be driving through still has snow over them. So i put it off till Saturday instead.

I was up at 6.30am, had a wash and i was dressed with layers of clothes, opec tights and socks under my jeans and for good measure a couple of scarves. I wasn't going to rush as i wanted to have a bit of daylight before i left. Mum and Ted warned me if at any time i couldn't get through just turn back.

The car was loaded up and defrosted, i had my flask, sarnies and my blanket in the front and i said my goodbyes to mum inside when it was light.
Heading towards the mountains i could see that the road was thick with snow on one side, there was no grit on the roads anywhere. Id only been driving 20minutes and my windscreen was freezing up, the car in front was driving like a Sunday farmer on a day out, and all these 4x4s were over taking us ( im not risking it i thought) i'll just take my time at my own speed.

The car in front was starting to get on my pip now and he was spraying shit at my windscreen which made it freeze so much i had to stop and clean it, my washers were frozen over.
Once past Newtown, welshpool and on to oswerstry the sun started to come out and the worst of the snow was behind me but it was still white on the fields and trees, like a picture postcard but least the roads were getting better. By 11.30 i was on the outskirts of Chester and i saw the sign m53 m6 Great! i thought i will just get to the motorway and stop on the first service i see.
Traffic had died down the sun was still out and at this rate i will be back in no time.
Every time id stopped i always txted mum to inform her i was ok and where i was at that time. But every time i stopped for a rest i could feel the cold air so didn't stay long. On my journey back i only saw 2 gritting wagons that were heading the opposite way none were going north.
I was making good time and before i knew it i saw the penrith sign then Gretna and i got back to Hamilton by 3.30pm i had to stop to get out and stretch so filled the car up with petrol and headed to motherwell by 4pm.
After phoning mum i unpacked the car put the heating on and my electric heater to take the chill off the air collapsed on the sofa with my new blanket and hot water bottle and fell asleep.

Look out skippy's back

2010-01-06T13:49:00.004Z

This morning mum was due up the day hospital to have blood top ups. I however said that i wont be going to the hospital with her in case that ward sister was there. Im trying to avoid arguments now! Mum laughed and said it was fine. By 8.45am the phone rang, it was the ambulance to say it was on the way, im sure it was Skippy the driver again i said. Mums reaction was OMG! Ted on the other hand said don't be daft. Well we see when she arrives. No sooner had i opened the door Skippy just skipped right in singing like a daft bunny on drugs, (at least there was a man with her this time) Dancing round the living room singing where are you i cant see you! and skipped to the bedroom. Mum stopped her in her tracks and said don't come any closer don't touch me!
Well i cant help it she said im going ski ing next week (well lets hope she breaks a leg then) i thought. Ted quipped, cant you ski down pen dinas? I tried desperately to keep a strait face. With the man wheeling mum out she saw for the first time how white it was everywhere. She was glad of some fresh air and in safe hands of the male kind.

This olde house

2009-12-29T22:10:00.004Z

Do you remember that song and the video with shakin Stevens? well this ole house started to shake and play up over the holidays. Built in the 1930's it was one of the first to be occupied on the street. A lot of money has been spent to bring it up to date over the years, knocking two living rooms into one and later on an extension at the back ie bigger kitchen and new bedroom en suit for pat. Mum had even got someone in to re decorate some of the rooms in the house only last year to freshen it up and even got her french doors fitted witch looked amazing! but because Ted is old now and mum with i'll health it has been a little neglected in some areas. I could write a list of things but for now i'll just write about what happened.

One night before Christmas eve ted and i were in the living room, we were watching the news headlines of the big freeze that was on its way, i had just made a hot water bottle before going to bed but stayed up to get the weather update. Suddenly the gas fire went quiet, looking at it i said to ted have you switched the fire off? Ted looked down and said shit! i went to the kitchen to see if the boiler was working! seeing it flashing i pressed the button and it was ok! going back to switch the fire on again but couldn't the pilot light had gone and i didn't know how to do it. Ted went outside to check the gas meter (they have had a card meter for a couple of years) and there was over £40 in it. Phoning British gas to complain but Ted couldn't get through so tried another number and took him ages to get anywhere...

bloody machines telling me to press 1 press 3 press 1 after an hour he got through and begged for someone to call round in the morning! as there is a sick woman here and she must have heat!!!
Ted was put on hold until this woman answered, , i will send out a corgi engineer in the morning and he will put £10 emergency money in for you! but you will lose the money you had before. Well Ted wasn't happy with that! there's over £40 in it i want that money back! how are we to keep warm??
We got the fire working the following day and everything was back to normal until...
Boxing day when the overhead lights packed up. There was nothing we could do at this time of year so Ted asked his son to come over and put a new fuse in. Opening the cubboard he had a bit of a shock on the state of the fuse box, it was nearly hanging away from the wall and he was a bit scared to touch it but done it in the end. We have heat and light what else can go wrong?

The night after mum called me into the bedroom she could hear banging in the wall and it was driving her mad, listening in silence i could faintly hear it and tried to find out where it came from!..it was the gas meter the damn thing was sticking for some reason but there was nothing i could do.
Ted phones BG again to tell them about the meter going clonk clonk! all night can someone come round to look at it please? this Scottish guy took pity and would send someone round asap to fix the meter and also, I am sending a new card out as we speak and it will be with you in two days by courier. He gave an address to send the old card back and a number to phone to get his money back on the new card. In the mean time if you could wait for a corgi to arrive in two hours and i will phone you back at 7pm to check on things. Within an hour we had a new meter that didn't go clonk clonk! and emergency money until the card arrived and yes that Scottish guy did phone back as promised and by 10am two days later we got the card.

Everything was working again! up until after the new year when the meter wouldn't accept the money on the card. I had a go as well but it wouldn't take at all. We had a spanking brand new meter that was frozen! so back onto BG again! its snow joke now.. mum's blood is thin and needs heat. All engineers were busy and there was no-one in our area to fix it, couriers had stopped working because of the snow! we were cut off here big time. It took all day to get someone anyone just to give us warmth. After 8 hours with no heat the engineer called and put another £10 in but it only registered as £5 it wont last us the night. By 4am mum called out that the heating was off again. Poor Ted had to phone BG again. i made mum a hot water bottle and a cup of tea and made porridge to keep us warm. Later that morning Ted went out to buy a new heater and in that time the engineer called to fix things and said it would be better if you had quarterly meter put back in! but it cant be done till Monday for you. He said he would call back later to check on things.
I told mum this and with all the problems they had with the meter i made a snap decision to get someone in to fix a normal meter for Monday. They just don't need this hassle at their age, and i wont be here on Monday to help them as i hoped to be going back to Scotland to warm my cold and shivering flat.

Just a little note:
for those of you with pre payment cards, as of next year you will not get the £10 emergency money if things go wrong with your meter. It will go down to £8. That's not enough to keep warm for a day!

Lost on film

2009-12-26T22:09:00.005Z

After all the hype of yesterday we all were relaxed all i had to do was clean up the living room as David and Sarah were calling over about a cine film he had. Ceri called over just as i was cooking bubble and squeak with turkey so had to put it to one side for a while. Just as she said she was leaving mum asked her to stay and see David. He has a film of Lynda holding Sarah as a baby! (my cousin) When he arrived with Sarah and her little baby and boyfriend who ive not met before, we all sat and looked at this silent film of.... Rallying!! typical David but then again the whole family are rally mad. then came a carnival clip, then me and Sarah then... this man in the distance doing a balancing act on the sea defence, taking a closer look it was my dad! mum and i went into shock. It took all my strength not to cry there and then. He was filming mum and myself walking to the sea and back and them mum took over to film him waving me back out of the sea and walking towards the camera smiling and lifting me over the sea defence. It really shook me up because i don't remember any of it! mum doesn't either! Dad has been dead 35 years now i cant barley remember the way he looked, the way he walked with one hand in his pocket and his smart appearance of his pressed trousers, crisp shirt and cardigan and the smell of old spice. Watching him i could feel him round me i could hear his voice once again.

Later that evening i popped into see mum to see if she was ok! the film bothered her... she wanted to watch it again on her portable dvd player just the two of us to reminisce. After it finished i put it in its case and tucked in her draw for safe keeping...its our only link we have of dad now.

Reblog this post [with Zemanta]">

Crazy crackers of a dinner lady

2009-12-25T22:07:00.010Z

Usually on Christmas day im up and feeling the joys of spring this time im feeling as rough as hell and i just want to sleep through it all. the baby monitor that Yvonne brought over had been useful and comforting to know that if mum wanted help id be there asap. Only this morning i got shouts to get up its christmassssssss. Stretching to motivate myself i pull a muscle in my shoulder and im to frightened to move. I eventually get up and rub my shoulder as i go for a wash.

Image via Wikipedia

In my tracksuit i go down and mum sings good morning ( that's the first time ive heard her being so jolly in a long while) i go into her bedroom with a cup of tea and help her with her meds. You even look good today you have color in your face. I feel hopeful that's why and im not even going to cook dinner. Don't remind me im dreading it, you do know it might be the last one i ever cook if things don't work, laughing.. Eating my toast i ask mum to rub my shoulder as i sat on the edge of her bed. Oh you all knotty there are you worried about something? no i think its just the last couple of weeks. Go and have a shower you'd feel better then, there is no hurry to open prezzies yet, so that's what i did and yeah i did feel a bit better. Getting dressed in my gray knitted skirt black sweatshirt and black opec tights and shoes i went downstairs to dry my hair.
Id done most of the hard work last night cooking the turkey crown, making p igs in blankets, stuffing balls and trifle and the smell of the meat made mums mouth water.

Every year Ted peels the veg, this year mum done the sprouts the other side in her wheel chair. it was all on the hob ready for me to salt and cook slowly before we went to open some presents.
Soon i could start to smell something back in the kitchen, the veg was cooking to fast and had to swap pans around and start to put the pigs in blankets and stuffing balls in with roasted parsnips. Then went back to the living room to open more prezzies. Mum asked if id put the goose fat in? running back i had to pour it in the roasting tin to melt in the oven, taking some of the potatoes out of the pan to sprinkle with flour i leave to cool but id forgotten about the goose fat so had to stay in the kitchen now as things are running away from me. I put the fat back in to heat up again and drain the veg to put it in the food warmer. Going back to the oven to swap trays around i take the fat out and put the potatoes in it to put back in the oven to cook. Everything is almost ready and its not even 12 o clock yet. Little did i realise though when id drained the veg i should have kept the water for the stock! shit what do i do now? dinner is ruined ive finally boobed! As the pans were piling high in the sink i also realised id not set the table! running to the living room i quickly layed cutlery, glasses and crackers and the bottle of plonk in the fridge. Everything was ready now apart from the roasters and the gravy had to be instant chicken flavor bisto extra thick. Taking the trays out of the oven i put everything on serving plates and left them to warm in the grill area. I also panicked when id not cut the turkey and plate it with stuffing. Serving the veg on plates and roasted food in a separate plates i take everything into the dining room and collapsed down on the chair exhausted.
Even though i buggered up the gravy we all ate everything on our plates bisto tasted better anyway.

The day before christmas eve

2009-12-21T17:28:00.015Z

You know that feeling when you wake up that something is going to happen but don't know what!
well that's how i felt when i got up early to wake mum up for breakfast. This will be the last visit to the hospital this year and we're hoping that the blood mum will receive today will stay normal until well after the new year. I help mum up and wheel her to the bathroom and leave her to have a wash then help her get dressed, get her scarf and gloves and coat and wait for this ambulance. Mum thought it was going to be here about 8.30am but it didn't arrive till after 9am so she was in a bit of a panic.

I can feel an argument no 3 coming on
The door bell rings and when i open it two pathetic looking women that were paramedics said they were here for Brenda...one of them skipped and jumped past me strait into the living room ignoring my instructions the other with a wheel chair....erm excuses me i don't think you will be able to use the wheel chair do you not have the green chair??
Skippy said no no its all under control as she Skipp's to the bedroom... (oh dear god alive she is going to be a problem) i follow them both and Skippy has a little jump in front of mum making her jump out of her skin ( im getting concerned now) without asking how do you want to do this Skippy just grabs mums legs and lifts them!! HAY what are you trying to do? do you know she has DVTs dropping her legs and making her scream with pain i could have hit her my fingers were ready to curl round her bloody neck with her lack of treatment. Mum and Ted said they wanted the green chair but Skippy ignored them both in a cocky kind of manner. I had to get out of the bedroom cos i was ready to blow any minute. Standing outside the front door i could hear every wince and grone it was painful to listen to but i had to stand back. They both wheeled her out of the bedroom forward.
I was at boiling point now... Ted had asked them to wheel her out backwards but they didn't listen and pushed her out the front door forwards getting stuck as the wheels wouldn't go over the metal door frame at the bottom. Mum was pushed and shoved all ways and was pushed so far forwards she was nearly out of the chair. We told you to wheel her out backwards why wont you listen!?!? Mum was in distress now and as white as a sheet but they still wheeled her forwards towards the steps. Tipping her right over it was uncomforting to watch but they got her over the first lot of steps but got the blanket caught in the wheels but they were still pushing so i had to put a stop to this and tell them off... for gods sake why wont you listen to us? cant you see what your doing? other paramedics wheel backwards why don't you listen?
Skippy quipped and said we are not paramedics we're just drivers!!
Well all the more reason to listen to us then now please pull her backwards.
But They got stuck again and the wheel chair was nearly on its back and mum was in tears now.
Do you have to tilt it so far back!?!? cant you just lift it over the two steps?? once over mum was feeling sick and they wheeled her into the ambulance and asked me to come with them! erm no thanks after seeing what you did i wont feel safe with your driving as well!!
WELL YOU WONT FIND ANYWHERE TO PARK Skippy yelled!.. well i'll just have to take that risk.

You got here in one piece then

I met mum just as she was coming down the bed lift, she was on her way to get her blood crossed matched so went with her, soon we were back in leri ward day hospital to insert the cannula into her arm and fluid to open and clean her vein. 2 hours later and the blood was ready so i popped out for a smoke and to get something to eat. When i got back the ward sister had to take the needle out as her vein had blocked but had to call the this junior dr as she was the only one who could do it. Thankfully the blood was on its way in at long last.

Remember the boss who stopped me having blood?

Well she's over there mum whispered she is the one who decides who has blood and who doesn't.
Arian Gravel is her name and she made sure she went round all the patients in the room and avoided mum like the plague. Well she's not much of a boss if she cant come over and see if you were alright. It didn't matter how long i tried to catch her gaze she just didn't want to know.
She wasn't much to look at just a fat woman who likes to feel important every time her pager went off in her big fat sartorial.

Age concern

Soon i had to leave and let Ted come up. Jean from age concern comes round once a week to clean the house so someone had to be there while she does her job. Id met her once before and didn't much like her. you know when you get that feeling about someone? i don't get that feeling often but when i do it nags me. Once Ted left Jean came in while i was reading the paper and kept asking question after question about mum ( i felt like telling her whats it got to do with you! bloody nosey Parker) but i grudgingly kept civil with my head in the paper. 10 minutes later she had her coat on! are you off already? i thought you had to work till 1pm?
No! Ted said i could go early as ive got a cold oh bye then. Not that it mattered to me as i had things to do myself.
You get a bit of snow and there's chaos you catch a cold and your dying.

Argument no 4

I knew what i was making for dinner but every tin opener mum had didn't work even the electric one had packed up and im not going to struggle on Christmas day with broken tin openers i'll just have to buy one at Morrison's. I hadn't been back long when mums other sister and her husband called (oh god not now not when im on my own) but she was ok! i made them a cuppa to give me time to think and i went in prepared for anything with a smile and came out the other end unscathed but she did mention would i be moving home for good, i knew it wouldn't take her long to say it, but no im not moving back cos if i did mum wouldn't get the help she needs and Ted he's relied on my cooking since ive been here! i just cant care for two people then there's pat she will be here Christmas eve till boxing day and home again on the 30th till the 4th i'll be stretched. Thinking about what i said made her realise that yeah your right there.
Just as i prepare dinner mum txted me to say she had good news txting back to find out what! and the phone rings thinking it was mum to tell me the good news only to find out it was the ward sister asking why i wasn't at the meeting in the day ward!
What meeting? i didn't know there was a meeting?
stammering over her words on weather not to tell me about it she said that we didn't have time to call you but your mother isn't going to die you know! she has options if only she would take them so there is nothing wrong with her ive seen her walking across the room and looking fit and healthy as ever!
what are you trying to tell me? that she made this all up to come into hospital every week because from my point of view she is sick and tired of been taken up there ever time and im trying to stop this palaver and get her into a routine at home and pain free! at the moment she is to weak to go through any operation and opening her up will just kill her.
I just phoned you to tell you the good news that's all and your mother is not dying and never was.

This conversation quickly turned into an argument and we both tried to get our point over on what was best for my mother. i quickly snapped back that if she had good news don't you think that she would want to tell me herself first instead of you poking your nose instead.

While this was going on mum phones on my Mobile and i quickly tell her i would phone her back!

Getting back to this conversation she demanded where i was all afternoon and what im doing?

What the hell has that got to do with you?? ive been with my mother for a whole month and not let her out of my sight, ive taken care of her fought her corner, got her transport to and from hospital, if i leave my mother alone then id rather discuss it with her and not you! now if you have anything else you want to shout at me about bring it on otherwise goodbye!!!

Im all worked up and raging and im making dinner! a dangerous combination for me and i cant understand why she just phoned me to tell me off!! ive done nothing wrong!
I txted mum that i wont phone her but wait till she got home.

6pm and dinner is ready and i see the ambulance arriving when she got in mum told me the good news and she wanted me to support her all the way. two consultants had visited her one of them were from guys hospital and he had high hopes for me he could improve my health with another operation in the future to cut some of my stomach away to stop the bleeding but i needed to get fit first and that is going to take time.

I hugged her and said she has my support in what ever she did. You have hope to cling on to now believe in it to keep you going.

Then i told her about the ward sister phoning me but couldn't finish as Yvonne walked in to give me a row i knew it was coming ( i bet that ward sister was strait onto Yvonne about the row we had) and took it gracefully but ive done nothing wrong!
Mum knows ive done nothing wrong even though the ward is small she heard some argument when the sister was in the office but didnt know who it was with, well it was moi. No wonder she kept asking me if you'd had been in touch at all! now i know why.

An angel at our door

2009-12-21T16:59:00.000Z

Mum and i had done a lot of soul searching in the short time since coming home but there was still a lot to organise like get a new orthopedic bed for starters cos her legs had to be elevated at all times and all she had was a wedge to put under the mattress and it made it hard for her to turn over. We talked about care and we needed to get a better wheel chair that she could use on her own.
Then there was a knock at the door! going to answer it it was the local district nurse. Thinking Yvonne was just here to check on mum's legs she wanted us all together to discuss about what we been doing to cope in the long run?

Well ive been teaching Ted all the meds mum has to take and we were talking about buying a orthopedic bed online that mum could use
i want to get pill boxes
and we've talked about care in the future.

Right what about bathing and washing?
well i wheel mum into the bathroom and she washes herself as for bathing she wont let me and she scared of the hoist

The bedroom was designed for pat (mums disabled sister)so the hoist was fitted when the extension was built 12 years ago. Mum was her sole carer for 20 years until she became unwell)

Taking a good look round she said forget the bed i can get you one free from the NHS for as long as you want it! I will talk to the carers to come over and start p/t care in the mornings for you. I will order you a better wheel chair that you can use independently but that will take 3 weeks to come through.

She talked about getting dr Gail to visit if she wanted it and transport to and from the day hospital every fortnight for blood transfusions.

I will call every day to see how things are for you and i will take blood every Tuesday to monitor its level. But for things to work for you you need to work with me Brenda! and tell me if your not happy about something. I will come over tomorow to help you and show Lynda how to use the hoist and i will phone tonight to give a time when i come over.

After she left the 3 of us were flabbergasted and relieved to say the least but i did say to mum be honest with her and tell her if your not happy! i know you you will suffer in silence so be honest and things will work out.

The following day

I had to get up early this morning as i didn't know when Yvonne was going to ring, tidying the bathroom and getting towels warm by the radiator the phone rang she was coming over at 10.15. Good time for a cuppa before she comes. Come 10 o clock i start to run the bath slowly but still no sign by 10.45 getting worried we made a start without her. Getting her in the chair was ok now to figure how to get into the bath, still weak she was unable to lift her legs over and i wasn't going to force her so got her back on the bed with her dressing gown over her. Going back to the living room i was getting worked up and Yvonne still isn't here! giving it a second shot at it we both managed to work together and she was in. Just as we finished Yvonne came over and apologised for being late and was glad we had managed on our own.

so sick of hospitals now

2009-12-20T22:13:00.000Z

Sorry Ive not been here lately but a lot has happened in the last couple of weeks. Washing had to be done cleaning, food shopping and getting mums Xmas shopping in and packing it as i bring it through the door then go out and get her prescriptions and then i have to start to cook meals which I'm not used to doing.
I seemed to have developed eight pairs of arms juggling and running at the same time.

Mum had only been home a couple of days when we had to phone the dr to help with all the meds she has to take and when, i had no idea as i didn't know what was what and he was a great help to me and while he was here he took some blood to check how it was. Now i had more control what meds mum takes i can start to keep a record of the times and when. Later in the evening the dr phoned back to say that mum needs to go to A&E for blood as it was down to 6 she asked him what would happen if she didn't go! he said that she wouldn't last 2 days as the blood is dangerously low. Mum was crying she didn't want to go in again and how am i going to walk! no ambulance had been sent to us and we had to make our own way there! i was so angry mum could barley walk to the en suite let alone to the front door. I asked her did the dr offer an ambulance? her reply was we had to drive there! there was just no way we could get her to the car it was to far for her.
Ted phoned for a taxi while i dressed mum it was going to be here in five minutes then i rushed to get half dressed and slung my Parker coat over me to hide my pjs underneath and worrying how we could walk her to the road.
Id just managed to get an overnight bag packed when the door bell rang...it was Neil (cousin)
We need to go to A&E can you help me take mum to the car? Neil took one arm me on the other, we only managed to get a few yards when mum went floppy on us and i could feel her arm slipping through mine but it was to late i couldn't save her and she fell forward face down into the hedge...i was hysterical and screamed NOOOO! i begged Neil to help me pick her up from the rained concrete path, we got mum into the sitting position on the path and i got myself together and whispered to mum please get up, get up..but all she could say was let me die here! i cant move ive broken my ribs. It seemed like we were there forever coaxing her up to her feet me behind her and Neil in front and with the both of us together we got her to her feet and back to the house and seated on the dining room chair ashen white,vacant and shaking. Id started to cry in shock on my knees in front of her, and i could hear someone talking on the phone about mum, Neil asked me to take over the phone conversation but i didn't know who i was talking to i was in to much shock! i was crying down the phone to this woman going over and over in my head what had happened she gave me instructions to check if mum had this that and the other, did we have any pets? and to keep obstacles away from her and to switch the outside light on! help is on the the way...no sooner had she mentioned help two paramedics walked in and passed me and this kind woman was still trying to calm me down, it was then id realised who i was talking to. Still by the phone i could see Neil was in shock and i could only watch as the paramedics put mum into the green chair and wheeled off to the ambulance. I quickly followed with the overnight bag and meds and ted behind me. Neil gave me his card to phone if we needed to get a lift home later. We were in A&E and told to wait in the lobby.We were soon called in to sit with mum for a while but nobody had examined her and she was in pain all over, i asked a nurse if mum could have some morphine but she was a bit unsure but asked me if i had her meds with us? so i asked for a pot so she can drink it, so i ended up using her own oramorph to ease her and wait with her till there was a bed available. It was 2am by the time mum was transferred to OG ward, we went with her and stayed for a couple of minutes before going home.

I didn't get much sleep that night and i was still in shock by it all in the morning. I was up and dressed and ready to make my way to the hospital when Margret Lunt called to discuss things with mum! but i had to tell her what happened then Davina (mums sister) called. two days ago we wernt even talking cos id not come home when i should have, now she was hugging me cos of what had happened. I really thought she was going to blame me for her fall.

Ted and i went up to the hospital later that morning and mum had still not been treated and she didn't even have any blood transfusions. Id asked how her ribs were? but it wasn't her ribs it was her shoulder that she hurt in the fall but there wasn't any broken bones thank god.

She asked if we had seen Neil? and asked if we would phone ceri to thank Neil for us. Mum felt bad for him to have to go through that, i kept apologising and blaming myself for her fall but she told me to forget it and grabbed my hand as reassurance.

Last night i was upset now I'm angry....

Ted and i had phoned the GP who told us to take mum to A&E to complain to him about not organising an ambulance to take her there! but we were missing his calls as we were in the hospital visiting, it took two days to actually speak to him and ask him why! He claimed he did and mum refused and said she will go by car...i know for a fact she didn't say that as i was with her the whole time and i got very angry with him, but he denied it all. He said he had to phone back as he had a patient with him and couldn't speak any further. In my opinion he just wanted another dr there to monitor this conversation as it was getting quite heated. He did phone back and i sort of calmed down but he still denied it and i was just getting stressed by the minute i was fighting a losing battle here but i did get a few apologies and assured me it wont happen again.
Damn right it wont.

Argument no 2

The day after mum is still in and in all that time she had only 1 bag of blood, no dr had been to see her to explain why she had to be there when no-one is doing anything, she was starting to get depressed and would feel better if she went home. Then a junior dr came to see us a Tara Palmer Tompkinson look a like and asked how she was and why is she here!! why is she here i said!!!! WELL i kicked off again didn't i. You come here asking why she's here i'll tell you why she's here! its because of that damn dr calling us at night time and ordering mum to go to the hospital asap or she will die!! and when we get here you do nothing!! its taken me two weeks to get her pain free and we had to take her out in the pouring rain only for her to fall!! do you know how angy i am right now! its ok for you to go around with your clip board with your bedside manner but if you ask me there's to much talk and not enough action round here!!!! the dr apologised embarrassingly, i could feel mums hand squeezing mine as if to say calm down now Lyn calm down.
Four days and mum phoned to say she was coming home but we were on our way up to see her and missed her call! when we arrived we had to go and get her wheelchair and clothes and come back. I got her dressed and into the wheelchair but had to wait an hour for her medication. She was so glad to be going home but for how long because i don't want her to have a repeat of whats already happened. There was no ambulance to take her home so it was up to me and ted. Parking outside the house we couldn't use the chair cos of all the steps so i held on to her and took it slowly but she was exhausted by the time we got to the front door. I walked her to the living room to sit down a while but all she wanted was to go to bed, she was so weak.
Its not been a week since mum came home and the dr phoned about her blood results she was told to go in again!! but this time there was transport arriving at 8pm so it gave us time to get everything ready this time but i was not pleased about it. Going through the same procedure A&E waiting waiting waiting but this time mum was more calm but to be honest she was to tired to get worked up about it now. A dr Gaby was on call a lovely woman she was. I asked her when i got her on her own is this how its going to be from now on? surly there is another way? we went to the tea room to have this chat and her reply was your mother will always have this problem now but once she's on the right medication and plenty of rest she can recover! There was one other question that was on my mind and been on my mind i had to ask is what is her life expectancy? i cant say it could be next week 6 months or five years there's no saying when. Dr Gaby smiled and left me to think and went to talk to mum for a while.
Within an hour there was a bed for her in muirig ward and dr's and nurses were a lot pleasant, they even greeted her like royalty when she came out the lift and before we left her she was receiving blood. what a difference it made going from one bad ward to a good one and getting blood transfusions with a click of a finger. now i knew she will have a peaceful night there.
Its getting close to Christmas now and there is no word when mum will be released to go home, she has had all the blood to last her for the time being. After a week in hospital mum asked the dr's if she could go home! they were a bit concerned about her DVT and if they send her home she will be back within a week and would end up staying 3 weeks over Christmas! they wanted her to stay in another 3 days! We discussed it together and we came to the conclusion that it would be better cos it will be a miserable Christmas for us all if you stay in over the holidays eating cold turkey and sprouts and lumpy potatoes, no we wont let that happen to you, your coming home for Christmas even if i have carry you home. A week before Christmas she was home and the only ward she had to go to now was the leri day hospital for transfusion top ups on the 23rd but for now we are just concentrating on Christmas.

Stuck in a jam

2009-12-20T12:06:00.009Z

(back of the que)

The tree is up and decorated with tinsel, mum is home recuperating in bed just in time before the big freeze came but i still had to go out in it to finish the Christmas shopping...thankfully though there wasn't many things to get. Ted warned me that there was a crash at the bottom of pen y bont hill and to take it easy. Passing the 4x4 that was a right off on the side of the road i headed strait to Morrison's, it was heaving with people and every isle was madness and all tills totally jammed packed out, it took ages to get out of there but By the time i did it was thick with snow. Driving off towards pen y bont traffic didn't seem to be going nowhere fast and i was stuck like the rest of them, no one going up the hill as the bus was stuck at the bottom and the same with the cars coming down. Getting fed up i did a u turn and headed towards town but that was just as bad, cars were sliding all over the place in front of me making me very nervous, (mum phones asking where i am! that's how long ive been out)traffic was at a crawl but at least it was moving. I eventually got home but the traffic was chaos.

Oh remember the earlier post of the Tara Palmer Tomkinson look a like! well she had been bending over backwards into organising transport home for mum. It pays to shout sometimes.

Just a little thank you

The snow has subsided for the time being, mum is asleep and i pop out with a box of chocolates and a card to take to A&E to thank them for treating mum. As soon as i get there the receptionist recognised me and asked how mum was i told her she was home but still has to go in for blood at the day hospital tomorrow. I gave her the chocolates and wished her a merry Christmas.

Get me my morph

2009-12-04T23:17:00.005Z

Thank god Ted got me some petrol yesterday as i had to go back to the hospital with mums prescription for morphine. The plan was to get up early and get there by 9am to the pharmacy come back get more petrol and come home.

It didn't work like that cos when i handed over the prescription the woman said she couldn't release it as it was illegal just to hand it over, the prescription had been signed in the wrong place and i needed to go back to A&E to get another one signed. The woman phoned down and said i was on my way there but had to wait a while till the dr came back from his rounds.

I rushed down as quick as i could to get a new one then waited, and waited and waited. The pharmacy was closing at 12 noon and time was running out, i didn't even have my phone on me to inform mum where i was. The nurse kept popping out to me and said he be here soon.

By 11 o'clock he arrived and i went with him to give him mums DOB, address, and other medication then had to wait again. By 11.45 he handed the prescription to me and i ran to the pharmacy but the dr shouted back he forgot to take the slips off. i had ten minutes to run up the hill through outpatients down the corridor down 2 flights of stairs and i made it in time puffed out but i made it. All the woman wanted now was identification...shit all i had on me was my college card with photo and my bank card, she accepted it thank god.
I rushed home but mum was in a panic cos i was so long so had to reassure her and explain what had happened. she was worried about the weekend with no pain relief.

In so much pain

2009-12-04T22:06:00.007Z

She is in so much pain today that i don't know what to do for the best, the only pain relief she has is paracetamols, she needs something a lot stronger than that. Mum stayed in bed till 9am while i changed her bedding and hoovered the bedroom. I had washing on the go cleaned the kitchen and the rest of the house to give it some order, id been on the go most of the day going from one room to another and tending to mum with drinks of water and chats. Soon she wanted to go back to bed and rest.
Its in the evening that a pattern starts to happen when she is in pain 4pm onwards and more paracetamols. Ted, mum and i discussed that we should phone the Dr on call to come out to give her some relief, by 7pm she was screaming for some help so phoned the dr again. He was here by 7.30pm and checked her over and said she should go in for one night for pain relief, he ordered an ambulance for 9pm to take her into A&E. I drove down to the hospital while ted went with mum. They arrived by 9.30 and i went in but had to stay in the back till there was room in A&E the dr told the paramedic to insert a needle but mums veins kept collapsing she couldn't get any veins they tried gas an air but it made her sick. We were in the back of the ambulance for a good hour and a half when we could take mum in but had to wait till the dr found a vein. It was an hours wait for the pain relief when the nurse brought in some morphine and another 20minutes later. The place was busy with mostly elderly people who fallen over. I even met my friend Iona who was with her mother in law with her face cut open she'd fallen down a lane.

Mum had felt better but was worried about staying in but lucky for her she didn't have to, it was 2am by the time we got home Ted took mum in and i parked up it was pissing down with rain and all she had over her was a blanket, she didn't want to get dressed.

When i got in and went to the bedroom she was on the floor with Ted over her! Christ mum whats happened?

i just wanted my bed so went to turn for the bedroom and saw the bed and dived onto it only i missed it. Ted and i struggled to get her on to the bed as best we could but she hurt her ankle while she tried to fly.

we had to have a cuppa tea to get over the shock but mum was hysterical with laughter, it was only then that i laughed with her cos she was absolutely high as a kite. She soon was out for the count and i stayed downstairs and i didnt hear a peep out of her till 6am when i went to check on her.

Nightnurse

2009-12-03T20:50:00.007Z

After only an hours sleep the night before id over slept till 8am when i heard mum call me. Rushing downstairs she was crying in pain and disappointed id not got up earlier to wash her hair before the red cross came over.

Still in pain when they arrived at 9am we all chatted about what would be easier for mum round the house...the two women said she could have a frame and a wheelchair for hospital visits, mum liked the wheeled frame with brakes and thought she would benefit going from one room to another. Her DVT made it very difficult to stand and put weight on her legs but when she used the frame it made all the difference.

Mum had to have a MRI scan at 11am at the hospital so booked a taxi for 10.30. She started crying as she said i don't think i can make it to the taxi i cant walk but she wanted the scan so she could find out what was wrong with her.
Once she was dressed and had her coat and shoes on she managed to walk to the dining room with difficultly with the frame she wont use the wheelchair but it did go with us to the hospital.

Getting to the taxi was an ordeal for her even though she held on to me, she was totally out of breath by the time i got her in and belted up. Once at the hospital i helped her into the wheelchair and took her to xray. No sooner had we arrived she started to be sick, i rushed to get her a sick bowl and 2 nurses came after me and 3 doctors came out from the MRI room to assist. They took us to another room for privacy and asked why she was here in the first place! they didn't know she was due to have a MRI today and as she was so ill they were going to send her home again! Once mum felt ok they said she could go ahead with the MRI but only if she wanted to....she wanted to get it over with and go home to bed.
Mum was so glad to be home and back in bed, i gave her her pills and let her sleep for a while

only the pain was to much for her and she was in great distress, i rubbed her legs to soothe her gave her a drink and some soup. She didn't eat much in fact she hasn't eaten a meal at all since i got home, bread and butter is all she will eat at the moment or toast.

I slept downstairs that night just to keep an eye on her just in case she woke up screaming in agony. I checked on her every couple of hours but when i was just dozing off about 4am she woke up and called out in pain! i got her some paracetamols and stayed with her for a while until she settled.

Take me home country roads

2009-12-02T22:21:00.009Z

Id spent the whole of last night looking at the ceiling! tossing and turning and getting up again toss and turn toss and turn all bloody night sleep was just not going to happen no matter how hard i try. Id set the alarm on for 4am but i was still awake at 2.45am but at that time i sensed i was awake but wasn't it was very strange but before i knew it my phone rang! no it wasn't it was the alarm.... shit so bloody soon but surprisingly I'm wide awake. Id packed my case and other essentials into another holdall the day before and all i had to put in was my wash bag and make up. I quickly had breakfast and i was dressed ready to go by 5.15am.

The roads were empty and the only traffic on the motorway was the trucks, i wanted to make a good start and try get to Lancaster without stopping.

Their was a bit of rain off and on and with the odd spray off passing vehicles. Considering it was supposed to snow for Scotland i only saw a bit of it on the mountains and i could feel the temperature dropping rapidly.

As i was heading for Chester i missed my my junction so carried on till i could find the junction back, as i approached this roundabout my car died on me for no apparent reason! panicking i tried to start it as quickly as i could and find the Chester turn off.

Id seen a police car stationed at another roundabout so i quickly turned off and turn my car around and parked behind it, walking up to it i knocked the window and the copper jumped out of his skin, his face was a picture, frowning back at me he politely directed me back towards Chester.

Ever since my car cut off at that roundabout i had a light on that wasn't supposed to be on! knowing it wasn't my oil light and i fed it enough water and oil the day before i was puzzled why it was on. The petrol was getting a bit low before i was in wrexham and i wanted to get to shrewsbury as soon as i could 1 to find out why this light is on and 2 to go to the loo but not in that order.

I arrived in shrewsbury by 11am parked up and had a walk about for the loo and headed back to the car to think! i knew i didn't have much money on me and what i did have i had to think would it take me home. After an hour i decided to use what i had at the petrol station id seen on the way in but would £5 take me home? that's the risk ive got to take.

I put five pounds in the car and went in and paid... but i was short and the man asked me where id come from?
Scotland i said
oh really where you going to?
Wales...I'm sorry i don't have enough money on me!
don't you worry bout that he said..
well i hope five pounds gets me home
it will you just keep to 40 to 50 and don't brake hard you will make it, just make sure you come back Monday he joked.
I swear i was praying most of the journey home and with five miles left to go my tank was empty right in the middle of the sticks i was trying not to think about it but at the same time i was praying it would take me home.

Round each corner i was a little closer and i was praying harder cos i didn't want to break down in the cold bleak mountains...just get me home car don't let me break down here... not here please.
As good as gold she got me home a bit worse for wear but she got me there.

Ted opened the door and didn't recognise me for a couple of seconds then ushered me in to see mum on the sofa looking gray and distant at me then started register who i was.
Pulling me down to her she hugged me tightly and cried im so happy your home.

What gives them that right to choose

2009-11-24T21:00:00.008Z

No sooner had mum came home from hospital last week she was back in late Friday night.
When i phoned earlier that night she was waiting for the dr to phone her and she had a visitor so we couldn't speak for long.
It wasn't till Saturday that she txt me to say the dr called and ordered mum back in as her blood level was dangerously low.
There has been complaints made to one of the bosses at the hospital who is in charge of the blood transfusion unit. Mum is supposed to receive blood every 2 weeks but the boss in charge had told her she couldn't have anymore for 5 weeks! mum would be dead by then.
The hospital consultants have warned that boss that under no circumstances was she to hold back the blood.
Mum has to stay in as a precaution for this week and appointment has been made for her in 3 weeks time, i don't think that's soon enough myself.
The last resort to stop the bleeding is to have her stomach removed...mum is still getting over the last operation and to be honest the way she feels now she is too weak to go through with it.

Community spirit

2009-11-24T19:06:00.006Z

COCKERMOUTH, UNITED KINGDOM

Is there no end to all this rain! its been lashing down for 2 weeks here, but its cockermouth and surrounding towns that are suffered the most...with two rivers that burst their banks on either side flooding homes, shops and town centres. Bridges have collapsed cutting local people off from other local towns and villages. The calva Bridge has been closed both ways as its going to collapse any time the north end of the bridge has sunk six inches and if the river takes it people will be without electricity and phone lines making them more isolated.

Lets not forget the the policeman who prevented travelers crossing one bridge only for the bridge to take him that fateful night. All thoughts are with his family R.I.P
The RNLI, police and air rescue who came to the rescue of all residents and keeping them safe from harms way.

Watching the tragedy unfold on the news makes me realise how lucky i am tonight, i have a roof over my head, the people of Cumbria no longer have a home, have lost their possessions and Christmas presents they worked so hard for have all gone.
The people of Cumbria have started the clean up operation to dredge the silt and mud out of their shops and homes and salvage what little they can to start again...it will be a slow progress but what Ive seen on the news is that they have a strong community spirit and will pull together.If only the satellite vans just disappear now so they can re-build their lives.
There is more rain heading their way tonight with the threat of gales.
Lets hope they are safe tonight.

Going home for christmas

2009-11-18T12:41:00.010Z

Mum phoned me this afternoon to say that Ted might be home tomorrow! ceri picked her up to take her to the hospital last night but had a job walking to the end of the garden gate.
It turned out that Ted has been so stressed about mum... rushing here, there and everywhere he collapsed at the doctors surgery.
He did tell me on Friday that the pills he was taking were making him breathless and dizzy and Dr Humphrey's took him off them! he said don't tell mam she will only worry!
He'd been on these pills since his heart attack over 10 years ago! he was only supposed to take them for a short period of months. Ted has been such a hypochondriac over the years any pain and he is down the to the docs! but mum said that the doctors don't know what they doing half the time but he was in the right place at the right time.
It was a irregular heartbeat that was the cause and he is ok now.
Mum said that when she found out he was rushed to A&E the nurse wheeled mum down to see him! and the dr made a joke that they were taking it in turns for hospital beds.

Mum went on to say that the dr there had treated mum when she was rushed in and said that she was a very lucky woman! we nearly lost you!
I had to ask mum...what happened? well i don't know i had to asked him that too!

He said i collapsed in A&E and had to call the re suss team. I was bleeding from the mouth and below. The dr said once he stabilised me he asked Ted for next of kin! Ted was in such a panic he couldn't think strait and the only number he had on him was ceri's.

(I feel so bad, so guilty, If only i had known, if only i was told i would have come home)

Mum quickly changed the subject and ask why did i have to inform D.W.P? because they would stop my job seekers allowance, i had to tell them your condition and that it might be our last Christmas together, they were very understanding.

Mum agreed with me... yes im afraid it might be but don't come home yet! not with this bad weather on the way! its gonna be worse than last week!
I do want you home for Christmas though
of course i'll come home you just try and stop me!
there wont be any frills this year
mum! id be happy with a pork chop so don't worry.
Will you do some errands for me when you come home?
of course i will..lol
its just i cant get to the bank or the shops! so you might need your car!

mum hates me driving long distance especially in winter but avoided the subject as it scares her.
i was surprised that she said i might need my car! but it would be cheaper than the train and i wont tell her when im leaving! I just hope she doesn't have a relapse before then.
I'm her only child and im going to make this Christmas special as it might be our last.

What next!

2009-11-16T23:48:00.005Z

Its a dull and miserable day, I'm feeling miserable but it could be i over slept! i didn't even hear the school bell go off.
I have a twinge in my back! but that might be I'm still sleeping on the sofa and its warmer in the living room.
After breakfast i pull myself together and wash and get dressed and make a coffee and plan yet another day of ups and Downs...hay ho that's my life.
I turn on the tv for company and fire up the laptop to check my emails. Something was really bothering me but i didn't know what but then my thoughts turned to mum...should i text her? no I'll leave till this afternoon.
I hear the mail but I'm in no rush to pick it up so check my bank balance online to see if there is any money been paid in.
Getting up to get my handbag i get my lippy and remembered the mail...junk, junk, bank statement then...Scottish power! oh no Ive already phoned them to say I'm not with them! so on opening i had the shock of my life £665 nooooo way! right it'll have to go to the citizens advice.
Once there i had a bit of a wait but once seen i was told it was a computer error and to make sure it doesn't happen again Ive got to produce documents ie the last payment from previous address. GREAT as if i haven't got enough to deal with. So i go home.

By 3.30pm i leave to go to sign on and i ask Michael my adviser about the last signing on date 28th December if i need to sign on that day or does it go strait into the bank due to Christmas holidays! he couldn't understand why i was asking so i had to explain everything about my mother. He understood me more and said he will get his boss over. After explaining again about mums condition they both were so very nice and said wait a week or two and if your mum takes a turn for the worse we will give you an emergency cover and you can phone this number here and explain whats happened and tell that i gave you the number so all things are clear. They were both so nice i could have cried.

But little did i know what was going to happen next...

After getting home i turn the heating on, make some dinner and watch a bit of Deal or No Deal
then went to wash up. I heard my mobile ring but i was to late, just as i was going to ring back the home phone rings! i pick it up and its mum...I'm home so i asked when did she get home?
she was in a bit of a state and said that ceri took her home (her sister) where was Ted?
Ted was rushed into hospital by his Dr from the surgery in his sports car!!
Mum said she didn't know what happened! but she was rushed home in her nightie and dressing gown. she didn't have time to collect her tablets!
She doesn't like it in the house on her own! she cant even climb the stairs!
I said i was making plans to come home early! for Xmas and Ive already told the D.W.P my circumstances.
She is so fed up and weak she doesn't know what to do! she knows she cant go back to the hospital cos she's so weak.
If its not one thing its another. What else is going to happen!!!

Going home

2009-11-16T22:06:00.005Z

Mum text me late on Friday night to say I'm alive but sore and hope's to be back tomorrow....but she is dreading it!

Its Saturday morning and i receive a text from mum that she is still bleeding from her stomach and the doctors don't want to let her go! another set back.
Ted also phoned me but i couldn't answer as i was stuck in traffic... i start to panic cos the traffic is not moving! i cant pull over!
I managed to get to Hamilton and its bucketing down..i park in asda's and phone Ted back in panic...is everything alright?
Yeah i just wanted to phone you to say mum is coming back this afternoon (panic over) oh thank god! i thought there was something wrong then.
He goes on to say that Kevin drove him down yesterday morning and they stayed with her all day. he wasn't supposed to be there! but as he had come a long way the nurses turned a blind eye.
The heavy gales started to sweep across wales late afternoon and Kevin had to pick his daughter up so needed to get back before it was to late. Ted wanted to stay but he wasn't allowed.
Ted said it was a nightmare journey and he didn't get back till 8pm.

In the evening i get another text... I'm back on Iorwerth ward not a nice journey! very rough i was so I'll they had a fright!
I text back are you ok now? get some sleep I'll phone you in the morning... love you xxx

I get up early for a Sunday, i put the washing machine on, make breakfast.
Its still to early to phone so check my emails and my messages on twitter...seeing them really cheer me up.
As mum has a newish phone i hadn't had the time to enter it into my contacts and it was only showing up half the number.. so text her to ask the first couple of numbers if she could remember them. I couldn't use my mobile as i haven't got any reception! so it had to be the landline.
I got through in the end and asked her about her travels back!
Oh i was bad she said...have you been in the back of an ambulance?
OMG! was it rocking back and forth? yeah
did you get caught in the gales? yeah there was bad floods everywhere!
was the driver making you sick? yeahh
and i bet the paramedic in the back with you was like the jack the lad telling silly jokes...omg yeah! i could have hit him and i could have got up and kick the driver out and drive myself home!
So basically you had motion sickness...i bet you glad to come out!
Mum mentioned that she might be coming home tomorrow
Oh really!! have the doctors said you could go home? no I'm thinking it.
After saying goodbye and i love you i couldn't help thinking that i cant blame mum for wanting to go home! i wouldn't want to stay there either! it been nearly 3 weeks since she has been there.

Post update

2009-11-13T23:30:00.007Z

Mum was transferred late last night by ambulance for the 2hour journey to Llanelli hospital (and not the others as were mentioned) and arriving about 11pm. The ride there left her in distress but the blue lights didn't help.
She had such a bad night after all the upheaval the doctors had to put the procedure back until late this afternoon!
I don't think they could give her any meds because of this treatment she was having.
But Ive since found out that mum has now had the treatment, the docs have cleared her veins and inserted the mesh without any hiccups.
Only time will tell weather it helped in any way. she is ok but still in pain and very sore at this time.
She is due to be transferred back tomorrow. weather permitting.
She's not out of the woods yet.

I think Christmas is going to be canceled this year

2009-11-11T19:39:00.013Z

For those who read this blog will know that my mother had a major operation back in august, and was making a slow recovery. Its been a tough couple of months for her to say the least. Mum has been having difficulty breathing and rapidly got worse last week and was rushed back into hospital.
The doctor had examined her and found that she has a clot on her lung. She had an injection to try to dissolve the clot and spent 2 days in ICU the doctors wanted to put mum on warfrain but her blood is to thin.

This last week has been worrying for me as there is 800 miles between us and Ive had to rely on texts and the odd phone calls. It was only last night that Ive got the whole story.

The hospital cant do any more for mum and she is close to dying and she is still losing blood in her stomach. The hospital want her to be transferred to south wales ie glangwilli, Swansea or Cardiff where ever there is a bed free for her. There is a doctor ready to give mum the treatment she needs and that is she will have a mesh inserted into her to stop the clot reaching her heart, there is no guarantees it will work for her but I'm hoping above hope that it will.
Tomorrow she will be transferred to one of those hospitals, tomorrow i will know more.
Mum has a younger sister in south wales so i hope she can visit her.
Me on the other hand...well I'm trying to organise things here so i can go home early! Ive rushed my Christmas shopping, (well stopped actually), got my suitcase out to sling things in and i will be off in 5 minutes flat!.
But for the moment i must wait and see, only I'm no good at waiting at times like this.

I couldn't have put it better myself

2009-11-03T14:11:00.007Z

I found this article online and i was getting all hot and bothered just reading it!
I don't shop at tesco's but i avoid those machines like the plague.

Do you like self-service at the supermarket?

Sian Meades
Oct 22nd 2009 at 11:00AM

Tesco has opened a new supermarket with no checkout staff. Instead, you've got those
self-service checkout machines. Now, it's not a very big Tesco, and there's only five machines, but can this ever be a good thing? They've just wiped out a handful of jobs without a second thought. Without sounding all Robocop, the more we rely on machines, the fewer jobs there are going to be.

But there's something else that's bothering me about this: I hate the self-service checkout.
Every time I try and use the self-service checkout, I break the machine. It shouts at me even though I don't know what I'm doing wrong. And once I scanned in my cookies twice, but I was so exhausted after using the machine, that I didn't even care enough to wait for the helpful man to change it. They're horrible things (the machines, not the helpful men).

Every now and again, I find myself in the hand basket queue and the checkout staff motion for me to use the empty machines. I ignore, I politely refuse. I avoid eye contact if I can help it. I'll do anything I can not to use those machines! If you're just buying an apple or something, then I'm sure it's fine, but for any more than five items, it's a nightmare.

So Tesco might be saving money (yes, more profit for them, well done Tesco) but I don't think that they can say this is for the benefit of the customer. I don't know anyone who likes using those machines. And that's an issue. We like speaking to people, not using machines. And if we like using machines, we'd at least like them to work. Instead, I get flustered, feel like an idiot and it makes food shopping much less fun. Anything that makes me want to leave the shop without chocolate is just not working.

If I had the choice, I wouldn't use this supermarket. But this could be set to become the norm. I'm not impressed. I'd much rather use a normal checkout, speak to a normal person, and struggle to open the carrier bags instead.

split divide

2009-10-30T12:51:00.007Z

Image via Wikipedia

What is twitter trying to achieve here! is it competition with other social networks! if so your going about it the wrong way...ok the lists would come in useful if you were using it as a working tool with zillions of followers behind you! but as for tweeters who are just on the this for social reasons wont really need it will they! or will they.

when i started to write about this subject, i was annoyingly disturbed by my phone and unexpected callers so had to put this to one side for a day or two.
Listening to some peeps complaining whats the list for...what do i do... and why! Ive also heard my self saying the same! but i did make one list of friends who i talk to the most, even just to find out how many! I was surprised by the amount... out of 900 + i was only talking to 99 of them, not bad i know but its not good either. So feeling bad about this i decided to create another list called follow friday, this way everyone is involved and i don't feel bad anymore. whoop!
Once finished i decided to give my eyes a break for a couple of hours.
When i did go back to twitter i was surprised by the response... tweeples who've ive not tweeted to in a long time or not at all responded with thanks and gratitude...one said i had made his morning! aww bless ya...
I have since made more lists since i started to blog about it and have a good moan and the max amount of lists is 20 and each list holds the maximum amount of 500. I thought that it would be a good idea at the time to break each list down ie celebs, friends, fashion, health and so on.
But Ive still got sport, restaurants, and other stuff. Oh well! at least everyone is happy... well most of you is and that's the main thing.

Turn back time

2009-10-27T13:20:00.010Z

I don't know what the hells happened to me this year of all years. When the clocks spring forward i usually feel that I've just lost an hours sleep like everyone else... but you tend to get used to getting up an hour early...oh no! not this year...not me anyway. Every night i tell myself..oh please just let me wake up feeling 20% human instead of 50% dead to the world. I can remember a time waking up in summer time listening to the dawn corous... this year i was lucky to even hear a crow squawk. Even when we had that hot spell... very short lived i know!.. i still couldn't wake up.
Two weeks ago the trees shred their leaves, the rain is heavier and the wind is stronger.. winter is here! but hang on... where was Autumn? did we skip it? or did i sleep through that too!

I stayed up late on Saturday night watching rubbish till silly o clock, i couldn't keep my eyes open anymore, so turned my clocks and went to bed, before i knew what hit me! i was up with the lark...wtf is all that about!
Since march Ive been struggling to drag myself out of bed and now that i have that extra hour to cherish, I'm up dressed and fed before 9am, it doesn't make sense!
One things for sure im getting a good nights sleep, Ive got the spring back in my step
and that hour certainly makes all the difference and im quite looking forward to winter now.
But whats going to happen when the clocks change to summer time again! well.. i don't know! i just hope im not going to feel like that again next year.

RIP Stephen Gately

2009-10-10T15:58:00.006+01:00

Boyzone

I woke up this morning to hear that 33 year old Stephen Gately had passed away in his sleep on holiday! it is such a shame for someone so young.
Condolences to his family and fans and of course Boyzone. RIP.

Slow recovery

2009-10-09T14:14:00.003+01:00

Mum is making a slow but good recovery! but her operation didn't really solve anything apart from giving her a blood clot on her leg.
The Dr was due to visit her and when he examined her he called an ambulance ASAP and she had to stay in over night.
As for the blood transfusions... well she will have to visit the hospital every fortnight for the rest of her life to keep her blood up. i will keep you posted. x

Where's my letter!

2009-10-05T12:47:00.005+01:00

Warning! you might get confused after reading this!

I cant believe this has happened to me again! today was my signing on day at the DWP after nearly a month away due to bank holidays.
Before leaving i just picked up my letter i received from them! (just in case) it showed the dates i was excused from signing.
I signed on at my usual time 3.40pm and handed my card over. Couple of minutes later i was told that i was due for my review! (which i didn't know about again) so i headed upstairs and handed my card over along with my letter with the dates i was supposed to be here! which happen to be today! i explained that i didn't know about the review but had this letter as proof of dates i was supposed to be here. she said it was ok and took the letter as i sat down.
I had only waited 2 minutes when my name was called! i went over to this other woman's desk and i said my apologies about the mix up! but if you look at the letter it has all the dates i was excused from and the dates i was due to attend.
She said... can i look at the letter?
i gave it to the woman at the door!
She said...which woman?
i looked round and pointed her over there!
So she got up and asked the woman at the door about this letter!
As I'm quite good at body language, she denied it and pointed to the woman behind the desk next to me.
So she walked back and asked the woman at the desk next to me if SHE had the letter! searching her desk and in box...no Ive got no letter...
i said maybe its fallen in the bin? (dumped in the bin more like)
Note to self...never hand over any letters
No! not in the bin either
trying to forget this letter and concentrate on the review! the woman asked why i was late!
My reply was... well if still had my letter it would explain... but you will have to take my word for it. Getting board very quickly, my gaze is going round to the room wondering where my letter is!
so the woman got up to look in the filing box by the window... still no sign of it and I'm getting angry.
The woman had to give me another appointment.. but its not till November!
On my way out i caught the woman's eye at the door... she threw me a smiled and i threw her a big dirty look back and left.

Knock Knock!

2009-10-04T12:35:00.000+01:00

Sorry! I've not been updating my blog recently as i have either been busy! or I'll.
Oh and i was locked out of my account too! Bugger! i had a job to get back in. I'm back now! thank the lord.

R.I.P Patrick Swayze

2009-09-14T12:43:00.005+01:00

R.I.P Patrick,

14/09/09

You will be sorely missed but your films will live on

We love the NHS

2009-08-31T15:08:00.006+01:00

Sorry! ive not been updating my my blog this week as ive been waiting for news of mums condition. The operation had gone as planned... and mum had her hernia removed but the surgeons didn't cut away her stomach as it was too risky!! her hernia was so big that it was pushing into the wall of her stomach!! and lost a lot of blood, i wont go into the gory details as it makes me queasy. She was put into a ventilator in ICU for 24 hours where nurses kept a close vigil over her.

Mum is back on the ward now...but is feeling rough and heavily bruised.
She is continuing to receive blood but weather that's because of the operation or there's still something wrong! I'm hoping its because of the op.
My cousin works in the hospital theater and was there with her! he popped in to see her afterwards and told her that there was nothing wrong with her stomach but had a job putting her guts back in.

Ive been texting mum as she cant speak due to all the tubes down her throat.
I hope that mum makes a full recovery.

Acknowledgements...
Thanks to bronglais NHS hospital eps ICU and owenglyndwr ward!
Thanks Kat for praying for my mother and lighting the candle really did work!
And for my twitter buds who asked about mum thank you.

Heart to Heart

2009-08-22T14:25:00.005+01:00

Mum text me on Thursday evening to say that she was going into hospital on Sunday morning to receive 3 bags of blood and having her operation on Monday morning. Doctors have bought it forward as she is so weak. Mum phoned on my mobile so we could talk more but i had a bad reception! i gave her my home phone number again as she has lost it.
She said her veins are collapsing now as she had so many needles poked into her! Her blood is draining from her fast. She wanted to phone me one last time to hear my voice as she thinks that its the end for her now! "I'm not going to survive this operation so im phoning everybody to say goodbye." She even phoned Edna (her sister) that she hasn't spoken to for months!! Edna didn't apologise for her actions but did offer to go down for a price!! the bloody cheek of her. Mum declined of course.
(Oh i got a good mind to visit that woman and give her a good talking too!!) but i kept my thoughts to myself! but one day i will spill the beans.
Mum and just talked about the family ie Ceri's health! her tumors are shrinking but not fast enough, but she looks better than ever. Mum's sister in law has also been for an operation to remove a cancerous tumor and is recovering!.

I tried to convince mum that nothing would happen during this operation! but she wasn't convinced and is adamant that she is going to die.
I'm going to phone mum this evening and try again to re-assure her.

Danger! Speeding Ganny's Coming!

2009-08-18T14:30:00.017+01:00

I'm having a good ole moan today, some things in life annoy me like... having the door slammed in your face when you walk into a shop or people just walk into you without a word of apology.I could go on and on! but the most annoying of all is mobility scooters! yes they're a god damn dangerous hazard!!! they are all over the place! if there is one behind you -you wont stand a hells chance.

Many years ago before mobility sc ooters were invented, i was on the main street in my home town getting ready to cross the road, when i heard something loud coming towards me! taking a closer look it was two young boys each with a metallic scooter (similar to the one above) with an engine on the back, doing at least 20mph. I thought it looked cool at the time. By Wednesday local paper day, it was reported that the two boys were reported to the police for noise pollution, speeding, no headgear and being in charge of an unlicensed vehicle while underage, and the police confiscated both scooters. Why? because they both had an engine.

Now these battery operated bloody mobility scooters should be punished once and for all! I've not seen a disc of registration on them, but that's only because they go too bloody fast on them!!!
They should be kept outside grocery stores ie ASDA MORRISON'S TESCO'S these places provide specially adapted chair trolly's, and when driving them keep off the god damn roads!!! i was stuck behind one today for 3/4 miles unable to pass her because of corners and oncoming traffic, and she was all over the road, so ive not only to think of my safety but hers to! but she didn't give a damn about other road users, and if these people have to use them on the roads then they should register them as a road worthy vehicle! after all it has four wheels and indicators. How am i doing so far?
My aunt has just bought one ( oh my god) not seen her on it yet! and hope i don't because if i have a bad day in the car... well who knows.

I can remember a time when i went into ASDA to get a lotto ticket and this scooter sped past me full throttle just to get to the counter before anyone else...she dislodged the counter by the way, she had a telling off for it but she didn't care and wasn't leaving without her bottle of whiskey.

Now as these dangerous contraptions have right of way to EVERYTHING indoors, outdoors and main roads, then they should go through a test like every other road user. Call it a road and pedestrian safety test. Send them to one of those mini race tracks and let them go like hell for a couple of laps then you know what im talking about. But seriously if i see one coming and there's no room to pass then i'll get out the way cos they are not going to stop for no poor fucker.

Moan over.

Today's menu is...

2009-08-14T18:10:00.007+01:00

There's been a bit of a discussion about food on twitter! this weekend, especially amongst the men. you know who you are! so ive decided to put this menu up. Its so simple to make you cant go wrong.

Heat oven to 150 for ten minutes
Get a flat baking tray and cover with baco foil
Place fish on baco foil and add a bit of olive oil or butter and season with salt and pepper
Fold baco foil over the fish lightly and pop it in the oven for 20 minutes.

Next add vegetables of your choice, ive used Morrison's pre packed new potatoes that are ready seasoned with herbs and garlic. Pop them in the microwave for 10 to 15 minutes.
The peppers are also from Morrison's and are chopped up ready, so just help yourself.

Once fish is cooked turn the oven down and pop it back in to keep warm
Dish up you veg with your fish when ready and drizzle left over garlic over the fish.

Believe me! it was very tasty and its an ideal menu for one.

They all off to sunny Tenerife

2009-08-07T12:46:00.011+01:00

My friend Linda and her husband Jim are off to sunny Spain today for two weeks of sun, sea and sangria. They have a time share there. I cant understand why they want it.... but it makes them happy and its an excuse to go back and use it up again. They are also meeting up with friends from Cardiff on their second week so knowing Linda she will be in party mode.

Linda and i have often gone out for a drink or two and ive tried to keep up with her but failed every time! The one time and the time we always talk about most is when she asked me to meet her in Motherwell for a small drinkie she said... so getting off the 9pm bus from Hamilton! i said to Linda the last bus is 11pm. Did i get the last bus? did i hell! i was so drunk i forgot and by the time i remembered it was 3am! and it was so foggy that night i couldn't see my own hand.
I told the taxi man where to drop me off and when i got out i was walking round in circles waving my hands to move the fog trying to find my entrance door! then i tripped onto the grass verge flat on my face. I don't think i saw Sunday as i was in bed for most of it. Linda on the other hand only got an hours sleep as she was up all night arguing with Jim as he didn't know where she was.

The 3 minute diet....

2009-08-04T22:54:00.003+01:00

Total makeover in 3 mins - Photoshop magic

Whats the panic

2009-07-31T19:45:00.011+01:00

Every weekend i like to do a weekend food shop, but for some reason or another the last couple of Saturdays have been hectic on the roads and in the shops ie Asda and Morrison's. So i decided to change my shopping day back to Friday again! while it will still busy on a Friday at least i wont be harassed. Gathering my car documents to tax the car i headed to the post office. The roads were busy than usual but nothing like it is on a Saturday. Once i got out of the post office i went back to the car and then headed to Hamilton to shop at Asda. Only when i got there it was bedlam there! i should have realised by now that the store is undergoing major re-developments with a multi story car park to add to the chaos. But id found parking space quite quickly. Heading into the store armed with my basket i did my rounds in the clothing department, i quite like the George clothing there, but with the developments there is only the minimum of clothes. Quickly doing my shopping round the narrow isles and squeezing past on coming trolleys i was starting to get that harassed feeling. by the time i got to the self check out i was all hot and bothered. It seems that everyone else had the same idea today. I do feel sorry for the check out girls there though, as there is no air circulating so it was very humid, i couldn't wait to get out side for air myself!. I cant wait to see Asda finished so i can have a look round.

A change of taste

2009-07-28T22:07:00.013+01:00

I decided to pop back to Motherwell today, and no it wasn't raining! but it was close. Wilkinson's had opened last week and i went in for a mooch round the store, but it was so busy i couldn't really have a good look. Looking round the store again taking this funny looking trolley dolly basket with me, i started to price some lampshades. I needed three ceiling shades and a bedside lamp but i wanted a shade with a difference, i don't want any old plain shades. so i picked this one! It comes in cream or Duck egg blue, and the light beams the pattern on the wall which i liked. I only bought the one though.. but i will be going back to the store for some more as they are so cheap! this one cost me £5

2009-07-26T22:08:00.005+01:00

If you have noticed something different in the last two entries, well ive downloaded and tested Zemanta to make blogging quicker and easier. And so far so good! Good night x

Oh Mr Darcy

2009-07-22T15:00:00.012+01:00

After spending the day at home on Monday sorting out bits and bobs, i decided to wind down, make dinner and spend the rest of the evening tweeting. On entering my page i noticed that Mr Darcy_ UK had changed his profile picture and he left me a message to inform me that Mr Darcy _UK had been kidnapt and had his account taken over by two of his brothers Mr Caylon and Mr Corky! the bad ass cats!! Soon i was dragged into a holy war by Llubyloo, twinkle47, stephanosis and medusaJ to get MR D back! by attacking Mr Corky with pepper and water cannons, but it didn't work, we needed something more powerful, we needed a cunning plan to bring these ginger moggy's down, so i started to threaten them by mentioning that i would set HiToYou and ahh_shazbot on to mr corky. Soon ahh_shazbot got wind of this and joined the gang and dug out her scud missile. Stand back gang! and on the count of 3! Mr corky scarpered to the bog shitting himself. That will teach you for calling me Duck face! Everything went quiet after that and so we retired for the night.

Day 2 of the war continued, and Mr Corky was getting his own back by posting MR D's golden whiskers to us and putting cat nip on him! this is not good gang? we need MR Darcy_UK back! his life is in our hands. Others were getting curious as to what was happening on twitter and springlamb asked me whats going on? so on telling her for the third time (mrdarcy has been catnapt and we need to get him back) she soon got the message and decided to join us. This twitter war was starting to increase and so was my following! not that I'm complaining though.

Soon Mr Corky disappeared quicker than he arrived and the gang started to go their separate ways not knowing if Mr D will ever show his face again. Me on the other hand stayed around for a while to make sure the ginger balls bad ass cat did not make another surprise visit.
Ten minutes later mr darcy popped up in my inbox and said..UH- what ever are you talking about? noticing he changed his profile picture again! i replied... wtf!! think your disguise fools me? think again. His reply was... only you know what you are talking about. #plonk. I thought it very strange at the time but soon forgot about it.

After breakfast the following day, i fired up the laptop and done my rounds on face book and checked my twitter account. Remembering last nights strange message from mr darcy! i went to his last tweet to open his page to see if he had updated his blog. But it had gone! looking closely he had gone to great lengths to change his name! NOOO wait a minute this is not MR Darcy_UK this is mr darcy from Dusseldorf, Germany. Yikes what have i done! but then i remembered, it was when i was explaining to springlamb about mr darcy's kidnap! i didn't put _UK on the end. Anyway springlamb is now following ahem! Mr Darcy _UK and Ive got a very angry German following me.

This is us ganging up against Mr Corky & Mr Caylon
the bad ass cats.
Look out Mr corky! there's a scud missile coming your way.

Never made to last

2009-07-20T20:55:00.006+01:00

Today, i went into motherwell to collect my prescription! just as i parked it started to piss down with rain, typical! i had no coat so had to make do with my brolly. Looking a bit worse for wear i did manage to get it open! but it looked as if it had been blown inside out a bit to many times. (I think its time i got a new one) making my way to the entrance of primark, i pulled down my brolly but the damn thing locked! struggling to pull it down i noticed just how much of a state it was in! God i cant believe i just walked the length of the shopping mall in this state. Still trying to close my brolly i had no alternative but to use brute force, the damn thing nearly took my finger off last time i used it so its pay back time. Its had its money's worth of ups and downs, and i finally did get it down and went into primark to buy myself a proper umbrella. Selecting the one i think will last me a lot longer than the one i had! i went to the counter to pay for it! i got no bag so asked for one to carry the old brolly, the woman at the counter kindly said she would take it off my hands! oh ok then i said...and handed it over, little did she know how wet it was when she got hold of it, and grimaced with a slight smile and ha ha! then quickly threw it in the bin and rubbed her hand on her hip. I apologised and said its had its money's worth, and she remarked with.. yes it sure has. On leaving the store and getting ready to open my new umbrella, the bloody sun came out. Feeling like a Mary Poppins with no spit spot of rain! i calmly closed it up and strolled to Boots to collect my prescription.

To The Moon

2009-07-20T14:31:00.015+01:00

Image via Wikipedia

This NASA file image shows U.S. astronaut Neil Armstrong, the Apollo 11 Mission Commander, standing next to the Lunar Module "Eagle" on the moon July 20, 1969.

Neil, Mike and Buzz

Its been 40 years to the day since the Eagle had landed on the moon, and all week there has been tv documentaries showing the three astronauts journey into the history books. I was only 17 months old when it happened! so it was an interesting history lesson seeing the step by step of footage. Last night i watched To the moon! another must see! of pictures, sine films and of course the journey itself which has been cleverly put together. So for all you space junkies out there.....enjoy.

http://www.wechoosethemoon.org/

Phil & Fern

2009-07-17T15:11:00.012+01:00

Its been a good morning today even though a bit lazy. Getting up early with my morning cuppa tea, doing my #follow Friday's on twitter as usual. Its raining outside but i was not going anywhere as i wanted to watch This Morning with Phil and Fern Britton for the very last time together, and so glad i did! because they had me in stitches from beginning to end with there endless whit and charisma they have together. (sorry OH) I so enjoyed it as there was no script and anything could happen which it did! with Fern necking the advaca and vodka, the quiz panel, the personal tributes, oh and that Ferraro Rocha challenge, i don't think ive seen you both unable to speak (unless your laughing of course). Fern, even though your fashion has changed over the years, your personality has remained the same. Don't ever change that? its what makes you who you are. I kept it together watching you both while my twitter tweeples were falling apart in the sea of sadness during your farewell montage. Ah and i so liked the painting of you by the sea, how did you manage to keep yourself together at that point? your such a pro. I could sit all day watching you and Phil on tv. Phillip, i expected you to have a lump in your throat at the end of the show! but not to break down in tears, that finished me off that did and was crying with you. I tweeted you after that! i don't know if you read it or not. Even though you will both be working together on Mr&Mrs it wont quite be the same as This Morning. Good Luck to you for the future, im sure you will do very well.

You get what you pay for

2009-07-16T14:31:00.004+01:00

Last Christmas, mum gave me a £20 voucher to spend at Argos, and ive been carrying it with me unable to spend it on what i want. so yesterday i went to the store thinking i'll either buy a rug or a lamp shade or a dinner set, Mmm decisions decisions. I couldn't find a rug for £20 or a lamp shade! so i looked up the dinner set, cheapest one there was £7.99 just plain white set of 12 with no mugs, good ive got enough mugs already. But it had sold out, so looking through all the dishes again and found another set of 12 for £13.99 with a black rim, i didn't really want black but i couldn't afford the others so had to make do with it, and anythings better than the two plates ive got. Thinking i had bought a set of 12 black rimmed plates, i go to asda to get milk and go home to unpack my dinner set. Opening the box i take out the first of the cardboard but there was something in it! on opening it it was a bloody mug! shit they've given me the wrong set here, and the black rim turned out to be black and white dots on it, opening the rest and they were all black and white dots FFS' cant they get anything right! so not only have i got a dotty dinner set but a set of 16 dotty dinner set, and i cant take it back now because ive taken them all out. After washing them and storing them away, i decided to keep the two small plates because im not keen on the new set. Dinner plate is to big, don't like the mugs but quite like the side plates and desert bowls. It will have to do i suppose and i might use the dinner plate if i have a banquet.

Walking up that hill again!

2009-07-09T13:16:00.008+01:00

I received a letter from the bank this morning, stating that they have been trying to contact me by phone! (bloody liars) and they wanted me to make an appointment to change my bank details! I didn't really want to do that now as ive declared myself bankrupt. I also got my money back witch the bank had taken off me last month, which is a total of £135 so the total compensation of wait for it! £20 big deal!. So i head back to Hamilton to go to the bank and make an appointment that i don't want. After parking the car i stroll up to the top of town, up that bloody hill! (god i should be fit now) and ignoring the shops on the way. I get an appointment for tomorrow afternoon at 3pm.
To be continued...

Well I'm back again, walking up that hill AGAIN! whay hay hay!! and eventually after half an hour wait i get to be seen, and explain that i didn't want to change anything! the lady at the bank says its ok, you don't have to change anything! there must have been some confusion on the banks side and she apologised to me. (nice one) but had to be that little bit sarcastic and say that... well miss Evans you did get your money back! (as if its my fault) so as there's nothing to be changed with my account, i am just a little bit mad, cos all this could have been cleared up yesterday! and i would have avoided that hill. Oh that reminds me, i must weigh myself, if there's anything left of me to weigh.

Reception, Reception

2009-07-07T22:19:00.009+01:00

This tv has been a thorn in my side recently, well not the tv as such but the reception im not getting. Remember i mentioned that my friend linda's husband Jim came over to fix it! well he put in a new indoor aerial in for me and re-tuned it, after all it was Linda's mother's tv so he knew it better than i did. After he fixed it there was still some interference and could do no more but wait until it settled down. Every day i would check the tv, in the mornings it was normal but between 2pm and 4pm it would go again. It was becoming a nuisance and i got fed up with it and started to tweak it, still the same, so i re-tuned it again and lost my freeview channels bugger! so had to watch a snowy analogue. Every day i would try to get my freeview up and running only i couldn't. I would move the tv from the left to right and then back to the middle and did manage to get my channels back in the end but it was the same as usual and i would start getting headaches every night and had to turn the damn thing off. Thinking of ways i could fix it without spending a lot of money, i would tune my video in! but couldn't find a channel outlet so that's that i will just have to buy a new freeview! the one i got is a cheap one from asda so will go back there to get a new one, only the ones that are there are exactly the same as the one i got, so i buy it take it home and plug it in. I didn't have to use the leads as ive got them already. I turn the tv on and... Bugger! its still the same, so unplug it and put the old one back, now ive lost my channels again. After a while i unplugged the both of them to sort my cables out only to forget witch is the new one and the old one. Taking my pick of which is which i plugged what i think is the old one and packed the new one back in its box to get a refund.

Two days later i go to a different asda and it had more choice of freeviews there and at a reasonable price. I see one on offer at £9.99 bit cheaper than the other one i had, and start to read the box. HD ready freeview that works in poor RECEPTION AREAS! great just what i wanted, so buy it and take it home. It worked a treat after it got all my channels, and it was smaller than usual with an oval shape design. So all my tv problems are over, and my headaches are gone.

A couple of weeks ago there was a thunder storm and it knocked my freeview out of sink and it was never the same again. So im back to square one again only im not going to buy another freeview! no im not, im going to buy an aerial instead. Last Friday night i shopped around for the cheapest one online and find one at curry's. on Saturday i go in and ask for assistance for the best tv aerial and had a choice of a set top box at £29.99 or an aerial at £19.99 i go for the aerial and if it didn't work i would come back and exchange it as a last resort. When i got it home it was massive! with a big oval base and a triangle aerial with two extending aerials on either side, it looked something like a darlecks but it worked but there was something not right. When i started to relax and watch Andy Murray at Wimbledon (the only time the roof was closed) the reception had gone! AGHHHH im going throw something in a minute and if i could pick you up you would be out the window. Obliviously i took the aerial back to curry's and decided against buying the set top box, but i did go back to asda and get another aerial at £10 hoping it would work and sure enough it did but if i want to watch something on channel five and five U S i would have to turn it! and i can live with that, and as you can see in the picture i have a perfect reception until someone started to mow the grass outside today when i started to type this out. Oi you're interfering with my reception Bugger off!!!

Perhaps they will leave him alone now

2009-07-07T20:55:00.006+01:00

Ok ok! i took a peek at it, i wasn't going to as i was so uncomfortable about it, but i did and it was...borrrring! it started late and when it did start it stopped! what was all that about? Still keeping with it, the choir started to sing Joy to see the king as Michael Jackson's coffin was wheeled in, and i started to well up. What a surreal tribute but its what black people do i suppose. Half of me thought that he would open the lid just as thriller was about to play. wouldn't that be good!!! so it was not as sick as i thought it would be! just morbid.
There were a few duff moments in it though like when smokey Robinson finished his speech and when Mariah Carey opened her gob and sounded like she swallowed a fish! and who was that guy with her? oh i mustn't forget Brooke Shields. she's not a very good actress but when she spoke or blubbed shall i say, it was a bit OTT. But there were good moments like the heavily pregnant Jenifer Hudson, the governess and the rev al sharpton's speeches.Wow!! Jermaine Jackson holding his own without music and nearly bringing me to tears, along with usher touching the coffin and crying at the end. (yikes im off again) I also liked the way the Jackson's hugged everyone off the stage. But the shock of Paris little speech at the end was a bit much and i was glad it finished when it did. But what made me chuckle the most, is when i turned over to CNN and chat show host Larry King was speaking to camera, and said he could not get over the little boy singing! and Larry said he overheard someone say behind him! who is he? i wanna sign him up now!! it was of course 12 year old welsh boy Shaheen Jafagholi from Britain's got talent! So it wasn't as boring after all just different. Lets not forget, Michael Jackson was a great artist/performer and his music will live on forever.

What a spectacle

2009-07-07T16:55:00.017+01:00

I cant believe it! while ive been blogging im listening to the news that LAPD have closed the highway from Los Angeles to the forest lawn in Hollywood for Michael Jackson's funeral. with a cortege of about 15 blacked out Rolls Royces and that's not including the other cars for the bodyguards, and police escorts. But i think its sick that the family have mocked MJ by displaying his casket on stage at the staples centre. why cant they just bury him in peace without the glare of the worlds eyes on him and hold the public memoriam concert another time. With technology these days he could be erected on stage by past video clips from all his concerts and his dancers can go ahead with the show, after all its been done by frank Sinatra. Or better still why don't the other Jackson's pay tribute by taking his place. Barack Obama wouldn't have had the special treatment that Michael Jackson had but that's America for you! and they don't do things by halves over there and it shows what fame and money can do.

Twitteroo

2009-07-01T15:19:00.009+01:00

I thought id talk about something a bit more upbeat for a change like twitter. wow! what a phenomenon to hit MY lappy. Id heard a lot about twitter through the tv. Phillip Schofield with his hedge, Stephen Fry with his travels and so on, so i had to register to find out what all the fuss was about. It took an hour before twitter would accept me and i was running out of names, even my own name had been taken, so ended up with a silly name @lookski! after all im only here to have a look. I can remember my first tweet! Its taken me all night to get on here, im knacked! i didn't get a reply that night but i did the following night. Welcome @lookski we're only here for a warm! from @locusceruleus and im still following him, nice guy. (Can you remember yours?) I'm totally hooked on the site now and have built up quite a following over the short space of time, if id known id be staying on twitter id pick a better name for myself, as for the twitter lingo, well its spilt over to my real life! like the time i went shopping at asda, i only had a couple of things and was told to use the pay and go! now i hadn't used it before so slowly making my way to the contraption i scanned my bread, milk and coffee, but it suddenly got confused on me, kept repeating it self and i was twittering to it telling it to shut the ***k up u stupid thing, but it got a bit violent and i started to panic and telling it what i think of it, only when i turned round people were watching me giggling at my mumblings i went a bit red and scarpered. I must stop twittering its bad for my health but i cant cos its addictive and everyone is so nice they really cheer me up no end when im feeling down, its like therapy for me. Ive had more laughs on Twitter in the three months than ive had in five years of being in Scotland, and only two dodgy moments but they were in marketing and were spamming which really annoyed me. I did tell a friend i was on twitter but she just looked at me stupid and i thought okay! maybe i wont broadcast it about after all, it'll be my little world instead. This is what internet socialising is meant to be about, interacting with the wider world and keeping everyone informed. There is always someone who's got the answer to your questions and ive had many answered on twitter. Gone are the days of Face book and Myspace, twitter is the place to be. So a BIG thank you to you all.

R.I.P

2009-06-26T23:08:00.010+01:00

Listening to the news this evening, I felt sad that Farrah Fawcett had passed away. I grew up watching charlie's Angels but her death was over shadowed by the news that Micheal Jackson was in hospital. Switching over to CNN rumours were spreading that he was found dead on his bed long before paramedics got there. Speculation and conspiracy will forever be questioned. RIP Farrah and Micheal xx

Its been a day of all days

2009-06-25T19:05:00.003+01:00

After visiting the hole in the wall for the 5th time to check if i can withdrawal money and Yaaay! i can start to pay my rent, but first buy food, go home make breakfast and create a to do list!.

Petrol
Council
Rent
Electric

I had to get petrol to drive to Hamilton! i parked in the palace grounds (its free parking there) and walked all the way up to the top of town, i should be fit with all this hill walking this week. I arrive at the council and its heaving there! oh well I've got all day. Back in march id received a letter from south lanarkshire council demanding that i pay back £31 i know its not much but when you don't have a penny to rub together it just adds to your problems! so i had to go down there to explain that i couldn't pay it at this time and pleaded with the council to give me time! and they accepted and gave me 10 days to pay. ( only id forgotten about it until recently) so that's why im paying a visit today. I like the women who work there 7 in all and organised, unlike north lanarkshire council which is a bit rough and there is only 2 women working there so its a long wait if there is about 20 people in front of you. When it was my turn to be seen, id explained that i had arrears of about £31 and id wanted to pay it off. I gave all my details but she couldn't find anything! i gave her all my previous addresses and still couldn't find any arrears! very strange but good news, but there must be a catch somewhere. The lady asked for ID so she could show me all payments on screen, so handed my drivers licence over. She was right! there was nothing to pay. id explained to her that id had a letter to. Feeling pleased and getting ready to go! the lady said that she'd found one payment ( i knew it was to good to be true) of 94p! we had a good giggle over that and i left to pay it on the other side of the room. Thank god i had a pound coin with me and handed it over and waited for change.

I head down to the bottom of Hamilton to pay my Electric in the post office and payed my rent at the letting agency and the £35 pounds from last month, then i was told that i didn't have to pay it all off after all, only pay what i could afford. They're so nice there i was close to tears, and as my six months is nearly up, well 3 months away i asked if i could stay on? with a bit of teasing weather id should stay or not! they were glad for me to stay.

There's no turning back now

2009-06-23T20:03:00.006+01:00

Another night on the sofa again, only last night i just kept tossing and turning wondering how i am going to get out of this mess. Id stayed up late to watch a film about a Scottish gangster in prison who took on the guards in the early 70s and won his freedom. My life seems a bit similar, only im fighting the banks.

While drinking my tea in front of the tv, not really listening but thinking i should pay a visit to my local citizens advice bureau! i know everyone there as i was a volunteer there last year, i only left seeking advice and help. I did go and visit back in April just for basic advice and Vivian bless her, was able to see me only she tried to talk me into coming back as they were short staffed, i declined for the time being. The same happened some weeks later with Catherine.

Its too early to go yet! as its only appointments in the mornings, So im on my second cup of cos i had a proper job to go to, Now the tables have turned and i am the one coffee and watching this morning on tv, the phone goes, and caller with held their number so don't answer it, so lippy on and i slowly make my way there.
Its hot out and its busy in the bureau all the seats are taken so i stand in a corner. After 10 minutes one old man got a chair for me! wish id never sat there cos all he done was poke me in the arm and tell me jokes that were not very funny! so polite as i am i laugh with him, what id really want to do is shove his false teeth down his gob! people are being seen to quite quickly now so i move to another chair. Some of the advisers came up to me for a quick chat to pass a bit of time and then some woman called me in.
I don't know her and i don't really like the way she's speaking to me, i explain the problem! but she doesn't seem to listen! she goes out the room to get my paper work and Catherine walks in asking how i am! so explain that i want to go for bankruptcy, the banks have got my new phone number and im getting texts from solicitors in Leeds. Catherine stays with me until the debt adviser comes back and i explain everything all over again to the both of them. I also explain about the bank charges at my bank, so the adviser goes and phones my bank and Catherine makes me a cup of coffee. I'm called in to the back office to confirm my details and go back and wait in the room until she gets back. Meanwhile Catherine brings in my coffee and we chat for a while. When the adviser gets back she she is more pleasant towards me and explained that id wanted to make a complaint, so the bank is going to send out a letter within a couple of days. I'm also given a form to fill in for my bankruptcy and a phone number of the complaints service to contact if i don't receive a letter. I leave feeling totally drained and go home.

Smelling of roses

2009-06-21T14:47:00.006+01:00

Its been a couple of days of worry, and Ive been valuating my car online, believe me its not even worth selling! I'm also looking for my savings account book for the fourth day, i have been turning the place over looking for it, i knew i had put it in my suitcase when i moved, id tucked it under my clothes for safe keeping! so that was the first place i looked when i remembered it, but got a shock when it wasn't there! so the following day i made myself stay in and do a thorough search room by room. Id started searching the book shelf in the hall, nothing! looked in my suitcases again, nothing! in the living room i emptied my file box again, and still nothing. Crossing the living room on my knees i look in the cabinet drawers, i know its not here cos i looked the other day! as i took things out the first drawer i breathed a sigh of relief, tucked away at the bottom was my account book whoop whoop! how on earth did it get there! i don't even remember putting it there, im so good at putting things in a safe place i forget where i put them. I start writing a letter informing the bank i had moved and to close the account and put it with my bank book in an envelope to post the next day. The money will pay the rent and i might have enough left to insure the car.

Saturday and the postman woke me up but i was in no hurry to get up, you see ive been sleeping on the sofa lately, every time i do go to bed im up within an hour and i end up sleeping back on the sofa with just a blanket and been there ever since. By 10am i get up put the pillows back on the bed and make breakfast. Still ignoring the mail i go and wash and get dressed and put make up on. Now im ready to open the dreaded mail, only the one letter and its free post! i look at the back and its a Cardiff address, oh my god that was quick! my bank book has come back, account closed and a cheque with more money than i thought. It will certainly cover the rent, insure the car and buy food for a couple of weeks.

When are things going to change!

2009-06-16T16:30:00.005+01:00

I've been feeling a bit deflated lately, and today is no better. Ive cut back on food and petrol for the car to cover my rent each month which is £375! 1% of that is arrears from the other flat and this month i would have caught up. Last month i knew i had the rent money in the bank because I've been keeping a close check on it, but i had a phone call from the letting agency about a week later to inform me that they hadn't received the money! so i had to go down to the office and pay in person. There is only one problem though, where did my rent money go!. The money i payed out in person last month was to be paid for this month! so the last week up until today I've been checking my money at the bank and there is only £35. Not thinking clearly and in a panic i went down to the council to ask if they could change the direct debit date from the 26th to the 17th. After explaining to the lady my circumstances she gave me a form to fill in, but when she looked it over and found that I'm renting by private landlord, she said that they could not help me and tore up the form! she informed me that i had to go to the bank in person and change my details there. Feeling light headed and in need of food, i go back to the flat. After eating a sandwich and a cuppa coffee i opened my mail and then my bank statement! BLOODY HELL well at least i know where my rent went! the fucking bank has been charging me and they only took £110! but where did the rest of it go! my head is in a spin now and I'm god damn raging!
I know i spent £10 on food on Friday but i was starving, id not been food shopping for two weeks! and i was just eating one jacket potato with a knob of butter a day and ham sandwiches to keep hunger pains at bay.
After arriving at Hamilton because (motherwell hasn't got an Abby) i stroll all the way to the top of the town gathering my thoughts. Once at the bank i get served pretty quick, and ask if i could change my direct debit details. I cant do any more now, just hope that next month i will be back to normal, my rent back to £310 and spare money for food. If only life were that simple. Its the 17th tomorrow rent day! and I've still got £35 left. oh! and the bank wont stop the "charges".
I'm back home now and I've just eaten my last meal but not really enjoying it. I will get my JSA on Thursday but doubt I'll have any money for food! Oh the joys of being unemployed, only it isn't and i cant get a job because there ain't none out there, why you may ask! because of the god damn BANKS!.

While we're on the the subject of spooks

2009-06-09T14:39:00.013+01:00

Ive not had much to say this last couple of days as nothing has happened! which makes a change.
The other night out of boredom i was browsing on you tube and i sometimes find funny clips to cheer me up, but i came across one clip that totally surprised me and took me back to when i started school there in 1980. you see i had been playing truant in comp school since my dad died some months back and i went off the rails so to speak, not to mention all the bullying and name calling, All my cousins that were in the school at that time ignored me and never stood up for me. The authorities got involved and i begged mum not to send me back there, after months of deliberation i was sent to this public boarding school for the under privileged 50 miles away.

I can remember the day mum drove me down there! and just before we approached the driveway i felt sick and asked if we could stop for a bit. mum gave me a brown paper bag to calm my breathing down, and after a pep talk i felt ready to join my new school.

o go home that weekend but we were all blocked in! there was about six foot of snow on the drive alone! and we were all stuck there for six weeks! with no electric and a bit of coal to cook with. Meal times in the dinner hall was a novelty, we'd all go in wearing our scarves and thick jumpers to eat cawl, bread and cheese, and the hall would be lit by candles, but everyone would soon get hot and strip off again. When the roads were finally cleared and got the go ahead to go home i would pack enough clothes for the two days, but there was a set back! i couldn't go home as mum had broken her ankle climbing over her gate, so in all i was stuck there for 10 weeks.

There was lots to do there to! we had chickens, sheep, a horse called Benji a donkey, and i think a cow. Hugh the gardener would plough the fields for potatoes and we would start to harvest the field after school in spring, god it was back breaking but fun, when no-one was looking we would have a potato flying fight. When the light began to fade we would hitch a ride on the back of the tractor and trailer full of spuds back in time to clean up and have supper. In the summer we would have our own sports day (Ive still got the medals) and play badminton but my favorite game was rounders, i could hit the ball to the other end of the field and get two rounders sometimes three. I didn't like fielding though! once a bumble bee flew down my t shirt and i was dancing screaming like mad gal. Good times.

ship to the judges. The entrance had since been bricked up. It is also said that sometimes you could still hear the wheels turning on the gravel and the sound of hooves. The only thing i heard at night was the sound of owls and game birds in the orchard. During the ww2 the building was taken over by american soldiers and were based there till the end of the war.

In bed one night in November of the same year, there was a storm and i was struggling to get to sleep. Outside the window were big oak trees being bashed by the strong winds, and i was just staring at them being hypnotized by the branches. Suddenly i was transported back home! i was standing on the old main road to tal-y-bont looking down onto the new road, there was ques of traffic all heading the same way. Still standing there, i looked down below me and saw a white van, crushed in half by a tree, panicking i took a closer look inside only to find my aunt and uncle inside. A doctor came from somewhere and then i woke up sweating and crying.

other day, with breakfast, dorm checks and assembly. During choir practice i was called to Mr Rees the headmaster, he said Ive sad news for you! there was an accident last night and your auntie Margaret is in hospital but your uncle and two cousins are ok. I took a 10 minute break to get over the shock of it, but i was soon called back into the choir as if nothing had happened. I later found out that they had been shopping after picking the kids up from school.
Morriston hospital could do no more for her, so she was sent back home still in a coma. I did go and visit but the shock of seeing her lying there with her black hair shaved off and a big scar on her head affected me. She later passed away. As for the dream! i remember it like it was last night.

Spookie's going on

2009-06-05T21:29:00.014+01:00

The TV works, just! the boiler's fixed, well a bit dodgy! and i have internet connection,yay! so i fired it up to check my emails and do a bit of surfing about. My flat is a bit small and pokey in comparison to the other flats i had in the past. With no storage i had to keep things in the boot of my car for a while until i found space.

One night while i was sitting at my desk, still trying to get this twitter malarkey! and Stephen Fry on BBC2, with his soothing voice but not really listening. I suddenly realised the TV had changed channels! so i get up from the desk to get the remote to change it back, but no sooner had i sat down, it happened again, What the fuck is going on here! This had been happening for a couple of weeks now! only other things was going on as well. While in bed one night, i heard a little child scream in the bathroom, so i get up to investigate! but there was no-one there. I spent the rest of the night on the sofa with a blanket listening until i nodded off. I like to keep an open mind about strange things like this, so i don't let it get to me. it doesn't happen so often now! but the chime rings and the living room door moves for no reason. Its like they're telling me I'm still here.

So that was my seven months of hell! The only good thing that happened was that i had lost 3stone and still losing but i wouldn't recommend it though.

Nothing works here!

2009-06-04T18:15:00.008+01:00

Now i don't know about you! but the first thing i do when unpacking is to get the TV connected, after plugging everything in and double checking the arial, freeview, and scart sockets i switched it on and ... nothing! so check all the leads and still nothing. scratching my head in puzzlement i decided to unplug everything and start again. Everything's plugged in the right way and there's nothing left to plug. So i move the TV away from the wall and switch on, yay i have sound! one channel but no picture. The freeview wont work so reset it, but it was still the same, the only other reason for this was that i moved to a poor signaled area. I'm freezing cold now, so go and turn the boiler on, that too wasn't working either! thinking it might be on a timer i left it on and turned the radiators up. I put my duffle coat on over my thick jumper and made a hot coffee and sat in a room full of boxes. As i got up to have another go with the TV there was a knock at the door! it was Linda calling in to see how I'm getting on! are you going out? no I'm freezing cold and the boiler still isn't working! so Linda grabbed my hands and gasped! your BALLTIC WOMAN! right your coming back with me, Lynn will make us all a hot cuppa, feeling tired and dirty i grabbed my keys to lock up, leaving the lights on. Now Lynn is Linda's daughter in case your wondering! and she was expecting another baby. With the heating on in their home and a hot coffee inside me, i was fighting to keep my eyes open. Half an hour later Linda and Jim drove me back to my place to have a look at my TV, he managed to get a picture with the sound, but not much else, and it was getting late in the evening, so he said! i will come over on Tuesday morning to sort it out for you, i will have some lead by then, and a phone socket extension too. By the time they left it was getting on for midnight, so installed my bed and fell into it totally knacked.

On the move again

2009-06-04T16:23:00.008+01:00

All thanks to the council, they helped me all they could to keep a roof over my head, from housing applications to homeless applications, but they all turned me down as i was not vulnerable enough.
With the help of the council my only hope was they could negotiate with the letting agency, and it worked, but the downside was the flat was in Motherwell and i could view it in the morning.
That night i took my sat-nav with me to go and find the place. The sat-nav got me in the right direction OK, but it didn't tell me where to stop! now after an hour looking i had a sat-rage moment and took it off the dock and slammed it on the steering wheel nearly breaking my finger in the process, but it did make me feel better though.
Anyway! i did find that flat the following morning! (with google maps) and i moved in two weeks later with the help from my friend Linda and a couple of local removal men, who turned out to be a right bunch of charlies! and when paid, they left taking my keys with them. I did get them back eventually.

Bad Times

2009-06-04T14:57:00.007+01:00

Now i wont bore you with the details here! but two months has gone by and I'm settled in my job and my flat. I managed to get myself a new sofa after a month on the floor with cushion's and everything was in its place, life was good again.

A couple of weeks later the credit crunch hit us! and it hit me too! square between the eyeballs, i had to leave my job as the work was drying up. Just as i get on my feet! something knocks me over again and I'm back to square one. I can no longer afford the rent, the bills were not being paid and i was living on bread and water. When i did have a bit of money i would buy a microwave meal and leave it for Sunday lunch then i would be back eating bread again.
Id got my housing benefits fast tracked, which meant that someone from the council had to pay a visit and fill in forms and other personal details, the two women were very nice and one of them gave me the phone number to contact money advice. I didn't call them for some reason but money advice did called me! and made an appointment. After the way i was feeling it was a relief that someone was helping me at last.
Christmas came and went miserably (mum paid for my train fare) and then the snow came, id never seen so much of it! but one afternoon id seen a car pull up outside! and i knew who they were by the way they were dressed, one got out with a big white envelope so i quickly locked the door in case. The man knocked a couple of times then shoved the white package through the letter box, but i didn't move an inch until the car roared off. It was a notice to quit the flat, a week later another one came, but this time it was a court summons! i had to go.

The move

2009-06-03T19:57:00.014+01:00

Ive gone through a hell of a lot in the last seven months. Mum wanted me to transport my furniture to Scotland so she could have her house back. (fair enough) i wanted it as well, but that meant i had to move too because the flat i was in was furnished! so had to go flat hunting and pretty damn quick. I went round all the letting agents for a unfurnished flat in the day, and night time id be writing out job applications. Then a break through! i had an interview for the following week at 10am with a local company as office coordinator. Couple of days later after a second interview, i got the job, WOO HOO i was so excited i could barley drive home. Now with one thing less to worry about, i can concentrate on flat hunting. A month later i actually found a place, it was a bit pricey but once i settle in my job and save a bit of money i could find somewhere cheaper, that was the plan anyway.

I phoned mum up to inform her that i had a flat but could not move in until the end of the month. I phoned around for removals but they were just to expensive! cheapest one was £1300, so had to look closer to home and phoned mum up again to contact Kieth! after a compromise i got Kieth at a price of £ 750.

While i would be packing at night time, and holding down a job in the day AND finalising my letting with one agency to another in my dinner hour, i was like a running headless chicken! but one morning i had a phone call from Kieth to say he would not be able to come on Saturday as planned as he was off on holiday that day, but could come on the Monday before instead! but i don't get the keys until Saturday morning! i said. (and I'm working that day and Ive not organised a day off) aughhh Bad times .It worked out in the end though, i gave Kieth the phone number to phone the agency and he managed to talk them round and i got the keys a week early and got my day off! Good times.

I think id done ten journeys (since i got the keys) moving my stuff over to the new flat and i was still not finished, my poor car had taking a right bashing, but what was left over was the TV and stand and the desk, that could wait till morning.
D day! and i was up early to do one more load before Kieth and Herbie arrive. Id dismantled my computer desk and managed to get it in the back of the car, then i hurriedly went back to drag my 32" inch TV to the top of the stairs. Now you don't think I'm going to carry the damn thing down the stairs do you! oh no, you see i had a plan and it took me a week of surveillance and timing. The man down stairs hadn't left his flat yet, so i just waited until there was movement, and keys jangling. 10 minutes later i quickly made my move down a couple of steps and hugged the TV and move it a couple of inches until he saw me struggling! and he rushed up to take it off me and put it in the boot of my car. Thanks very much i said you've been a great help. (if only you knew i had planned it like that) and now i can leave it in the car until the other guys arrive to take it out again. Now you may think that's sneaky, but i call forward thinking.

Summer Times

2009-06-03T19:38:00.008+01:00

I was going through some of my personal possessions the other night, not knowing what i'm looking for, inspiration maybe! Then i found this little mustard coloured photo album in one of my storage boxes. As i glanced through it i remembered this photo, it was taken at my friends home.

(I used to call it their summer home) I alway's used to look forward to seeing them all every summer, and to play with Johnathan and Susan (his sister ) on the beach. The shoes in the frame are Johnathan's uncle John!

me age 6 years old

2009-06-03T18:47:00.007+01:00

My back garden

2009-06-01T14:22:00.010+01:00

I don't understand it! Ive been through hotter climates than this one! when i was younger a lot younger! 1975/76 there was a heatwave going on! i should know i remember it well! i got bunt to a sinder. There was none of these factor 30 creams back then either. You see back then i was living by the sea in a village called Borth. I used to enjoy losing myself on the beach going to rock pools picking all sort of little creatures with my little net, time meant nothing to me. I could be out all day just beach combing, it was the best time of my life. Just imagine! the back door and couple of yards and i was looking out to sea! that was my back garden and it was brilliant.

It did have its down side though especially in winter when there was a high tide. we lived in a two story house with the kitchen facing the sea with three windows that just slide up, then there was the spare bedroom above and my parents bedroom above that. Dad would have to board up the kitchen windows and put plastic coverings and duck tape on the others from the inside. The tide would get so rough and so high! it would bring in stones and rats YES RATS! they would just fall down the chimney with the tide. Mum was going down to the kitchen one night when she spotted one climbing up, mum screamed and ran back up the stairs and the rat squealed and ran back down again, so it was dads job to get rid! out the back door hopefully then close the flu in the fireplace, by morning there would be a couple of dead rats trapped in there, and outside there would be dead sheep that would have been blown off the cliff, now have u smelt a dead salty sheep? its not pleasant.

Flaming June

2009-06-01T13:18:00.010+01:00

we've had hot weather now since the last week of may, and its turning into a heatwave out there.

I was feeling a bit sickly yesterday afternoon and i was getting worse by the minute. I could feel the heat rising up through the carpet on my bare feet and rising upwards until it was suffocating me. Having the big fan on made no difference at all. so a change of clothes was in order, so off with my tracksuit and into a white t shirt and black slacks, if i didn't live on the ground floor looking out on to the back garden! i would go bloody starkers and stand in front of the fan for an hour! but the neighbours kept coming and going and staring in, and I'm dammed if I'm closing the blinds. I was dreading going to bed too as its just as hot there.

Waking up this morning the bedroom felt a lot cooler, perhaps its not going to be so hot today! how wrong i was, id just been up ten minutes drinking my tea and the sweat was starting to pour off me so had a shower and got dressed, make up on, and tied my hair back, i felt a lot better.
By 11.30am i put my lippy on and left to go out for a while. Getting into the car was like a hot furness, so with my shades on i drove off with the window wide open taking in the cool air. I was suppose to be going into Hamilton for a walk about but by the time i got to the traffic lights i took a detour to strathclyde park to walk by the river, but oh even that got to much for me! I WANT SHADE! please give me shade. The only place i knew that was cool enough was my flat! so that's where i ended back at.

Is customer service that bad then!

2009-05-31T00:32:00.014+01:00

On Thursday morning, i had to go into Motherwell to pay my lecci bill, after parking the car i first made my way to Argos to get some bulbs for my lamp stand, they were only about £2 something so i got 2 packs, because i needed to use my card. Now I've never been into this store before just in case your wondering... just as i was heading to the counter this man jumped out at me asking if i needed assistance! no no its ok i said.. but he quickly guided me the other way (thought he was going to frog march me out the door) but he wanted to show me the pay and go machines! ahh! no never used one of them before! so the man whom i presume is the manager by now gave me a quick demo and said to pop my card in, cool! and another result.
So off to collect my goods at point C with receipt in hand then.. out of nowhere AGAIN! was the manager with my bulbs all wrapped up in a bag for me. aww thanx i said, now that's service with a smile :) i said nervously.

Now whenever i go out shopping, especially in clothes stores the service is so poor that i wonder how these young people get these jobs in the first place.

So it was a bit of a fall on my arse kinda shock to receive good customer service for a change which is few and far between if you ask me.

Am i the dummy here!

2009-05-30T00:06:00.004+01:00

who ever said that creating a blog was easy was bloody wrong! It has taken me three weeks to find the right template, and after downloading it i find i cant use it as its for windows xp and not vista! bugger! took a week to find that too.
Second round...managed to find another but that to turned out to be hard to install, so much so that i lost by blog notes, double bugger!!
Oh well! back to google i go and to my faithful friend.. YouTube, and a result at last.
Blogging here i come.